Glee Reviews: The Rhodes Not Taken

[four_tens]

 oh yeah, I know new episodes are way more awesome, but this got finished tonight too, so yeah.

 

Oh hey we have a last time now. This one’s pretty standard, and waaaaaaaaaaay too slow since I’m used to how it sounds now, so we’re just going to skip it. It basically recaps that baby drama is happening.

We open on Don’t Stop Believin’, and the leads are of course Quinn and Finn because they’re the whitest, most popular kids in the room.  Quinn blows because morning sickness, and Finn lies that she had a bad breakfast burrito (Which you just know that Santana and Brit Brit aren’t buying, they know what Sue has the Cheerios eat, and burritos are not on the menu). However, Santana has bigger fish to fry.

Namely Kurt, who is trying to get everyone to realize that without Rachel’s talent, they’re screwed. He asks if they can talk about the elephant in the room, and Santana asks if he means his sexuality.  Ouch, girl. Considering your future struggles with this kind of stuff that line means so much more now. The reaction shot to this is inexplicably Mike, Tina, and Finn. Finn is alarmed (It’s conceivable that he believed Kurt last episode, idk), Mike is upset (His patented arms of defensiveness go up), and Tina mostly wants Santana to die (narrowed eye glare). Just, you know, fyi.

Will tries to lie that they’re plenty good as is (maybe after some solidarity and growth, but not now), to which Artie calls his shit and Puck backs him up (By calling him wheelchair kid. What’d I tell you about solidarity and growth: It hasn’t happened yet). He further clarifies that Rachel makes him want to “light himself on fire”.

So we have proof here that Puck hates her. Kurt hates her too, he just wants her talent. Mercedes, Quinn and the other Cheerios… Heck, Artie probably does too because she keeps pushing his chair around without permission. Often almost off stages. Keep this in mind for what Finn tells her later.

Will says that Rachel’s gone, and that if they’re going to make this work they can’t look back. Cue quizzical looks from all the kids as to what that has to do with ANYTHING. Of course this line is more for the audience’s benefit than theirs- this episode is about NOT LOOKING BACK, and how sometimes the past should stay that way. So get used to it. (Also keep in mind that Glee’s ostensible theme of the week is not actually what the episode is really about). Needless to say, Will does NOT learn this lesson. Finn corners him to express worries about these less than strenuous dance moves because he is a natural worrywart, and Will acquiesces and gives some of Quinn’s verses to Tina (Because Santana and Mercedes are covering backing vocals. I wonder why).

He further asks if Finn has told his mom, to which Finn replies that he’d rather just handle it himself. Given his future coping mechanisms in the next couple of episodes, it’s made abundantly clear that Finn cannot, in fact, handle this himself. Which isn’t really a judgment of Finn- Most teens can’t do this alone. Instead of pointing this out to Finn, Will instead breaks Finn’s trust and tells Emma about it. But that’s later. Instead, let’s cut to Will and Terri eating at a diner! That isn’t Breadstix! WTF!

Weren’t the Mongoloids an old Hanna Barbara cartoon? Actually… no, though I really, really wish it were. (Turns out I was thinking of the Herculoids). Mongoloid is actually… really, really offensive. I encourage you to wiki it, it’s pretty racially charged outside of an academic sense (Where even there it’s fallen to disuse, because it’s THAT offensive). I was a bit surprised to hear Terri use it because I thought it was outside her vocabulary.

But then I wiki’d the link between morning sickness and mongoloid. And in a stunning surprise to absolutely no one, racism and ableism are apparently best buds who trade offensive terms like pokemon cards. Turns out “Mongoloid Syndrome” was a “cute” (read: offensive) name for Down Syndrome. It fell into disuse in the 70’s. And apparently there is some sort of research being done regarding morning sickness and down syndrome, but I felt sort of icky for typing “mongoloid” into my google search, so for now, let’s just say that I find it very, very hard to like Terri.

Anyways, apparently Quinn’s baby is “okay” because she’s had consistant morning sickness (I guess it says something about Terri that she keeps up on medical research for the baby she wants to have, but the woman is clueless on reproductive health and I hate her.). Terri has apparently taken her pregnancy as a catchall excuse to eat more food. Attagirl. Will tells Terri he has no idea what to do about Rachel, which causes Terri to roll her eyes because she could not care about Glee Club less if she tried. Luckily, their waiter shows up asking if they need anything. Terri says grasshopper pie. I think I need a piece now.

Will recognizes the guy (For the record, if you’re curious the name of the restaurant is on his nametag, but I don’t have a high enough quality copy to tell. That or a nice enough TV. <_<) from one of his Spanish classes 5 years ago, and the guy (Chris) cops to it, and says he goes to Carmel now.

Will realizes that something about this math doesn’t add up, and he finds out that Carmel has failed this guy 5 times so that he can stay in Vocal Adrenaline.

Vocal Adrenaline. Fails kids. To keep them in the show choir. I repeat that. You can’t escape this choir. It’s like some gross, perpetual motion machine where you’re stuck there forever, grinding at the grindstone, doing your one part of the assembly line that fabricates perfect performances. Until you’re replaceable though. The guy even says it: They’re keeping him because he’s the only person that can do the triple flip. What happens when someone new can do it? Now he’s a 24 year old high school graduate. Who failed senior year 5 times. So he’ll never get into college.

All for Show Choir? All for Show Choir.

If VA didn’t give you the heebie jeebies, I don’t know why.

Will is properly flabbergasted by this prospect, and then DECIDES TO TRY AND DO SOMETHING SIMILAR HIMSELF WHAT NO WILL NO. You JUST reacted to how appalling that is, and now you’re going to DO IT? YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PERSON. I HATE YOU WILL.

Oh hey we’re up to Will breaching Finn’s trust “for his own good”, something that he will do many many times over the course of the series. You’re shocked, I know. Finn thinks he’s in trouble because he has been called into the guidance counselor’s office. But Emma none so subtly tells him that she’s just taken a special interest in Finn because “life comes at us pretty fast”. Finn totally catches on and asks if someone’s told her about his personal life (Re: Will, because Quinn is too mortified to tell, and no one else knows to Finn’s knowledge except Puck, and lol). Emma lies that someone hasn’t, and distracts Finn with talk about scholarships (Which, you know, is nice and all but FINN IS A SOPHOMORE). She further clarifies that if Finn went to college, he wouldn’t end up stuck here in Lima in a dead end job with a wife and kid (Totally too specific Emms.).

Finn is having a light bulb moment, and asks if sticking with Glee might help him out in the long run, and Emma encourages him to stick with it and that they can totally win without Rachel (Which she doesn’t actually believe). She then tries to get Finn to convince Rachel to come back to the club. Ostensibly “in case Finn’s worried”, but mostly because she doesn’t think the club can win without her.

I just want to punch Will for putting Emma in this position- she can’t really talk to Finn about the real problems here, and instead can only dance around it whilst offering suggestions for his future. And considering how poor Emma’s filter and ability to lie are, it’s not as if Finn’s going to trust her to confide in, either. Not after this session, where she clearly knows what’s up. In fact, Finn doesn’t go back to her for advice until after the whole school knows. So… effectively, Will’s shut out Emma as a potential ear for Finn to confide in, giving him one less person to help him deal with the enormity that is having a baby at 16.

Also, railroading a kid into a specific path for life isn’t exactly in a guidance counselor’s job description anyways (Though I guess she’s encouraging him to be more well rounded, so there’s that I guess). And considering that Finn won’t be getting scholarships for another 2 years, I get the feeling that Will and Emma had an ulterior motive to talking to Finn about this- maybe even keeping him in the club, idk.

Oh JBI, how I’ve missed you being gross on my tv screen. It actually starts pretty innocuously, with him asking Rachel how she feels about getting the lead at an improbably young age. Rachel, bless her, has a prepared response for the press at age 16 because she is Rachel Berry. Jacob then gets incredibly gross by spending her entire answer staring at her breasts. Ick. Then he’s telling Rachel that he won’t give her a good review without a glance at her nonnies (lol nonnies). Rachel is quite understandably offended by this, because it’s, you know, offensive.

It’s also shockingly, depressingly commonplace. And it happens to EVERYONE- A listers, Soap Stars, from the nameless extras to people like Lisa Rinna (I actually found this out when I google’d her. Thanks, Santana’s insults.) and Gwyneth Paltrow, and … To borrow from Quinn in TPoM: That attitude starts in high school.

Ew Lima ew.

I think this is one thing that Glee does very well- it points out the terrible things our world does. And… that’s it. We never revisit Jacob doing this again, we never hear back on this plot point. Rachel quits the musical (Spoilers, I know), and after that it’s no longer relevant to the story that Glee’s telling. But that doesn’t magically make the behavior disappear. How many other girls has Jacob tried this on? Has he succeeded? Why does no one try and stop him? Glee has a tendency to ghost over seriously fucked up real world issues with nary a mention of them after the fact. I for one find it actually pretty brilliant. It’s very true to life. And I’ve done way more research thanks to this tendency than on any of the actual “issues” that Glee brings up.

Rachel calls Jacob disgusting and then goes on to say that no one reads the Muckraker (Quite right, considering it gets cut as a club next year until Rumours), but Jacob counters that he’ll put it up on his blog, which apparently does get read? Then he actually leans in towards Rachel’s breasts (pig), and Rachel is only saved by the timely entrance of Sandy Ryerson, and I never thought I’d be typing about how Sandy showing up is a good thing, but, well, so it goes.

Jacob hears that Sandy’s here, and scrambles to leave, which has nothing to do with trying to hide his perverse actions towards Rachel - He mentions it again while Sandy, a teacher I might add, is still in the room. Which means he’s in a hurry to leave because… Sandy is here. He’s in a hurry to get away from Sandy.

I wonder why. What possible reason would Jacob have a problem with being anywhere near Sandy? (This is sarcasm)

Sandy has no problems hitting on even more students, and tries to convince Jacob to play in Equus, which for those of us not in the know is about a psychiatrist treating someone obsessed with horses. So obsessed that he gets naked with them. I bet Sandy wants to play the shrink. I am more than a little nauseated at both the fact that kids don’t want to be in the same room with Sandy and that he’s trying to get them naked.

Rachel, meanwhile, is staring at her breasts to see what the fuss is all about (They’re really quite lovely, Rachel), and that is of course when Finn walks in and catches her at it. He asks her what she’s up to, and she lies that she’s getting star treatment and is sooooooooooo glad she quit Glee, God. She further tells Finn that she’s never going back, but of course she’s more trying to convince herself of this fact.

Finn tells her that he agrees, because he is trying to get on her good side so he can get her to rejoin Glee. Rachel is mostly shocked that someone is agreeing with her. Finn, sensing his in, goes on to call her more talented than a chainsaw juggler, and that he’s available to help her out anytime she needs it, HINT HINT.

Rachel is totally smitten, and falls right into Finn’s disgusting honey pot operation. FINN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THIS IS CHEATING. Finn has a LOT of issues with cheating, but I’d like to point out that he cheated on Quinn before he knew she cheated on him (Already- remember the auditorium in Showmance? And now he’s about to do it again), and that Finn being a hypocrite is a well established plot point as of forever.

Emma’s office. Emma is worried that since she’s explicitly abusing her powers she could be fired for this, and that it’s a total breach of policy, and a whole bunch of legitimate concerns. Will calls her a weenie, basically, and that no one is going to care so chill Emma. Oh Will. You’re such a fine, upstanding, good person. He then rips the records out of Emma’s hands, and starts pawing through April Rhodes’s permanent record.

Emma, clearly uncomfortable, tries to make small talk. Jealousy small talk. She calls April pretty, and Will basically starts gushing about how hot and talented she is, and that he had such a crush on her. Emma, despite looking like she swallowed some sour milk, takes this silver lining for what it is- confirmation that Will has liked other people than Terri. Oh Emma, you live in hope. I think you can do better.

Will, however, could not care less about Emma now that she has served her purpose for Will, so he brushes her off to cyberstalk April. Emma, not to be deterred, reminds him that sometimes the past, quite frankly, sucks, and that Will should be careful. Apparently the fact that she almost dated a murderer isn’t enough for Will to worry about, because he brushes off her advice. As condescendingly as he can, of course.

Will finds her webpage, and lo and behold she is online. She gives him an address and a time to stop in, and an injunction to bring chicken wings. Classy.

I’d just like to point out the name of the street is Bontempo road- aka good time road. Glee, you are clever, hahaha. Even more clever is that the background music for this scene is Heart Of Glass by Blondie. Or rather, an Adult Contemporary cover of it. So we have now: Dated April’s age with an appropriate song, given it a cover to change its presentation (Instead of a bouncy tempo and some eighties synth, we have a slow, almost lazy cover), and… gotten lyrics appropriate to April and Will’s relationship. Fantastic. The stage is set, let’s make magic happen.

Oh April. April April April. She is apparently the ‘it’ girl of her time at McKinley. Other ‘it’ girls include… Terri. And Quinn.

I feel like April is a cautionary tale.

Anyways, she answers the door and lets Will in, then proceeds to hit on him, show precisely how drunk she is, imply that she slept with lots of dudes in high school (Which clearly Will is disturbed by because apparently he’s someone that thinks having a lot of sex lowers your self-worth. Color me surprised) imply that she’s a prostitute (Which is, you know, illegal), and imply getting cozy with Will (Let me slip into something a little more comfort-tahbluh).

Will gets disillusioned very very quickly.

Luckily things get even more awkward when Sandra from Oak Crest realty shows up. Add squatter to our very long list of characterization that we’ve received about April.  Will feels super awkward.

Later on at the curb outside this bank owned property, Will asks what happened to April because she was the golden girl and is now a washup. Or something. April says that she “hitched her star to the wrong wagon”. She says that Vinny (Who has a very similar name to a certain football player) and she had been convinced they were soulmates and destined for Broadway, so they hitched themselves a ride to Broadway. This is very much chilling when I think of what’s happening in canon right now. And how April and Rachel are so easy to compare in this episode. Anyways, April ends up “slinging hash” in a baitshop/waffle house (That’s an awkward combination, just saying), where Vinny has an affair with the owner and April has a pair of mixed race twins (I remember nursing sweet sweet headcanons that APRIL was Rachel’s Mom and that her as yet unknown twin was going to turn up in canon. But alas, I was not correct).

Will tells April that she’s really moving, and that he wants to help her. No, Will, you want her to join an afterschool club for you. Really? Really Will? REALLY? He tells her that he’ll help her get her life back on track, which is nice, but tainted by the fact that he’s only doing it because there’s something in it for him. He tells April that it’s not too late for her, and April symbolically throws out her alcohol.

Will is introducing her to ND and they aren’t down with this. Finn calls April old, which gets her goat and causes her to call them the world’s worst Benetton ad (Snerk), and all I can think of is their Unhate campaign, which is probably not what she meant considering it happened in 2011, but is the thing I connect Benetton to. For those of you not aware, they’re a clothing company. Their ads are well known for being multi-ethnic and consisting of brightly colored clothes. (That and being really, really weird. And sometimes offensive to some people) So apt, I guess.

Sadly, no one gets the joke but the viewers, because the club is too busy wtfing over this choice. Well, most of them. Puck is making eyes at her like it’s his job (Which, from what we know about his pool cleaning business… it is), While the original Gleeks tell Will that this is weird, that she’s not Rachel, that Rachel is the club’s star, and that she left to be the lead in the musical.

Upon hearing the phrase Cabaret, April lights up because she has found a way to get these kids to appreciate her- her talent. If that sounds familiar, it’s because this is the lesson Rachel spends most of the series learning- that her talent isn’t why people should like her, that singing solos and leads is not how she’s going to get people to like and appreciate her. In some ways April is very like Rachel, only she has reached adulthood and STILL NOT LEARNED THIS LESSON.

You’ll notice April does not have a good life.

But in others she’s like Quinn- she was head of the school, she’s petite, blonde, and pretty, she’s had kids, she was “destined for Vinny” (Both Rachel and Quinn have moments where they feel this), she coerces and bullies her way into the school, and has a very Quinn-like confrontation with Rachel in the bathroom. She likes being on top of the social heap.

It’s a terrifying thing to see Quinn and Rachel smashed together into one person.

Anywho, she starts up Maybe This Time, one of my personal favorite songs from Cabaret, and she kills it. It’s spliced together with Rachel singing the same song (She also kills it), so that we can get our parallel on explicitly and obviously. In case you missed all the other subtle cues.

The best part of this song is that it’s about thinking this time, everything will be different. It’s interesting that all the lines for “maybe this relationship will be different” go to April and all the lines for “maybe this time I’ll be a winner and they’ll love me” go to Rachel. It neatly bisects the song into relevant character arcs and makes the music more fitting to the stories told. But the sentiment of the song- maybe it’ll be different this time- is so obviously applicable to everything these two are doing that I can’t even.

(Only getting the star treatment I didn’t get in Glee.)

(It’s not too late for you April. What do you say?)

By the end Kurt was literally moved to tears by April’s song.

We cut to Will’s Spanish class, and April is totally drinking during class, and Will is just letting her (Seriously? Hot chocolate is the best lie she can come up with? Alcohol has a specific smell, your cup isn’t steaming so it’s not hot, you are unsubtle). He calls her up at the end of class (Not to reprimand her for it or anything, because that would be responsible) to tell her that the kids are still unsure of April being in the club, and that she makes a spectacle of herself, and that she should try to win the kids over. Will, you have no tact. You basically called her up to say that her peers can’t stand her.

OH GOD.

The song in the background is “You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall and Oates, which is fantastic. Basically, April takes “Win them over” to be “Help them get things they want”, whether that is appropriate or warranted. And boy is it inappropriate. Sex with minors, giving minors porn and alcohol, teaching shoplifting (The hell, April. Way to pick the minority girls)… none of these things are appropriate. But these kids are teenagers, and teenagers not used to getting things they want, so of course this wins them over resoundingly.

We cut from how “cool” and “awesome” Glee is with April to Rachel singing Cabaret. I kind of agree with Sandy here- Rachel isn’t really putting forth any coy flirtiness to the song, which is what that part of the song needs. But he’s just being totally awful to her, ugh.  She tells him he’s not being a good director because he won’t tell her what she’s doing wrong, and she is totally right. Sandy just snots that he knows he doesn’t want HER, because being awful is something Lima adults have perfected.

She correctly states that he wants her to quit so he can be the star, and that’s just super gross and awful and this school is a terrible place to live in. She tells him that she’s not going anywhere, to which he snottily responds with an “I’ll say”.

What’s gross? Is that Sandy can just decide to be the lead in the play. Like, this is treated as normal and possible. In fact we later find out he wrote himself into the play what the actual fuck. Thus the alarming trend of adults writing themselves into inappropriate performances is started.

We cut to Rachel and Finn practicing their lines, and for the record the lines they’re speaking are from the movie, so this is a play adapted from a movie adapted from a play and oh no I’ve gone cross-eyed. Given Rachel’s track record with Broadway knowledge, I wonder if she knows. Finn thinks it’s weird that he’s been given the lines about sleeping with dudes (Of course we get another Finn and TEH GAY moment, we need at least one an episode, though we built quite the reserve last episode, thanks Puck).

Rachel tries to get Finn to join Glee, and Finn prevaricates, but offers to do the play if Rachel will come back to Glee. Because agenda. Finn then asks Rachel if she knows what they should do. The answer is not elope, however, but instead bowling, like the most teenager-y date ever. And it’s a date, make no mistake, because it is specified it is for just the two of them to “unwind”. Finn, sweetie, no. Just no. Whilst making this pitch, he starts getting closer and closer to Rachel, which when someone likes you, is just patently unfair.

April and Will walk in, interrupting the honeypot operation that Finn’s pulling (Again: Finn, look at your life. Look at your choices.), and ask to use the room to teach April Don’t Stop Believin’. Rachel calls April ancient, which is a little rude, but April snaps back with “Talent doesn’t age” which is actually pretty much true (re: Dame Julie Andrews), and Finn tells Will that that song is Rachel’s song, which means that before she quit last time she won it back from Quinn, but since she’s gone Quinn gets it now, only she’s not as strong a singer so we layer voices behind her, and I don’t know what the point of this all was.

Will then proceeds to out passive-aggressive the ENTIRE cast so far by asking Rachel to save them a seat and how they’re all really proud of her and can’t wait to see the musical. I would have bought the first line as earnest, but the second one did not read that way. And I KNOW that Will is bitter so bitter over her quitting. So yeah.

Cue Emma walking past Kurt and catching the smell of alcohol on him, and Kurt calls Emma Bambi and says he cried so hard when those hunters shot her mom.

So… Kurt’s mom? Died. When he was 8. I don’t know about most of you, but I was big into Disney movies from like, age 6 to age now. So in all likelyhood, he’d seen Bambi sometime near when his mother died. Hence the extreme emotional connection to it.

Kurt then ralphs on Emma’s shoes, which is just horrible for her. She’s OCD, she is obsessed with cleaning things up and getting rid of germs and SOMEONE THREW UP ON HER. I think 4 decontamination showers would be too few for her, frankly. She comes back to school, and Will is just now working out the setlist for this coming invitational.

Let’s set some precedent!

Setlists in show choirs? Typically set in stone waaaaaaaaaay in advance of  the actual event  they are for. This is to get as much practice in for the songs as possible.

There are a myriad of extradiegetic reasons NOT to do this in Glee- Doing the same songs over and over would get boring, songs generate revenue for the show, working around specific songs would get tedious, it spoils the surprise for what songs they’ll do. Many many reasons.

They typically give an intradiegetic reason, though. Think about it- here we have Rachel quitting before the event and having to work in April, who’s new. There’s a reason for Will to be working out a new setlist now- he’s had to shuffle around his singers.

Anyways, Emma explains that Kurt ralphed on her, that she thinks April is the culprit. Will says that he’ll “Have a talk with him”, but we know that Figgins’s policy for drunkenness at school is suspension- So we see the first (Well, technically the marijuana thing was first, but that’s pretty tainted and messy) instance of Will bending the rules for his kids. He’ll do it time and again, actually. Whether it’s failing all the cheerios besides the ones in Glee, getting Finn out of suspension for being in his undies, or overlooking fights because he needs to keep his members at or above 12 (Which is why he didn’t go up to bat for Santana in IKAG- she’s not one of his kids anymore, he has beef since ever because Sue, TPPP).

Emma says she’s worried about Glee, and Will agrees and starts talking about their chances at winning. And can I just say that Will’s preoccupation with winning, while not his fault, really (I blame Figgins), is pretty harmful to the kids? This club is about being happy, not being the best, and every time he conflates the two things end badly. Emma totally schools him about teaching and thinks Will’s being a shitty teacher. It’s gotta be bad when EMMA thinks he’s doing it wrong. Will isn’t about to give up on winning though, because fuck the kids (#1 Priority: Help the kids), the club is what Will cares about.

Emma can sense a losing battle when she sees one, so demurely says okay, then asks Will politely to look at his life and his choices because Emma is, like Burt, probably one of the only good people in Lima.

Slow-mo of Sandy yelling, and I don’t care, this isn’t Throwdown, yawn, next.

Rachel is in the bathroom crying because she’s a teenage girl and she can only take so much abuse, especially abuse from a faculty member (Have I mentioned that I hate Lima recently? Well I do), and April comes in asking if Rachel is okay. Rachel gets her stiff upper lip on and tells April that she’s fine, she’s just under a lot of pressure, but if that’s what it takes to be a star, she can handle it.

April relates, then asks for drugs, and then starts talking about getting with Finn. Rachel tells April that Finn’s taken, and that she best step off, and Rachel? Honey? You need to take your own advice. April counters that people cheat all the time (Point to April), which finally sets Rachel off. She tells her that her actions are awful, that her being in WMHS is deplorable, and that she can do whatever she wants so long as it doesn’t hurt the people around her, which she’s clearly doing. Only not as nicely as I just did.

April’s response to that is “I’m not afraid of you sweetie”, which is kind of chilling to me, honestly. April in this scene kind of freaks me out. She further goes on to say that she was hot shit back in her day, and that she’s not letting it go now that she’s got it back. She hums something murderously as she walks out, and Rachel takes a deep, calming breath.

Bowling!

Rachel is squicked out by sharing stuff with people because Bowling is actually pretty gross when you think about it. She’s clearly never bowled before, so Finn has to walk her through it, complete with sexy getting up in her personal space to show her how to bowl the ball. Finn, you’re 6’3”, you can’t be subtle.

For those of us playing along at home, the background song is I Want a New Drug by Huey Lewis and The News. I’ll let that one sink in.

Of course as a parallel, Will has taken April to go bowling. April is combining alcohol and horse tranquilizers, apparently. Holy crap how is she not dead? Will breaks the news to her that she’s a terrible influence on, well, EVERYONE. April tells him that she’s back on the wagon, handing over her drink. Will is skeptical for like, a second, and then thinks everything is fixed.

This is a thing that Will does all the time. He believes that problems will go away once he’s acknowledged they exist and talked about them. But he never DOES anything about it- he doesn’t suggest AA to April, he doesn’t suggest therapy or counseling. He doesn’t try to BE there for her, not really- he gets a quick promise out of her, takes away the drink she has, and drops it. (For the record, alcoholics? Will often say they’ll stop drinking, hand over their current drink… and then wait for you  to leave them alone so they can get a new drink. It’s textbook ,and clearly Will doesn’t do ANY research EVER).

So we jump over to “Stuff Will wants”, which is way more important than helping someone recover from addiction. And what Will wants is to sing to with his crush. Who, by the way, is clearly developing a bit of a crush on Will, based on her reaction to Will’s confession that he joined Glee because of April (Which says something else about Will- He didn’t join Glee out of love of song, but out of love of ladies. Nice, man). April is obviously flattered, and whisks him off to a bar to have a karaoke of it.

They sing Alone by Heart, which is a great song. April clearly wants to “Get Will alone”, if you know what I mean. My favorite part of this duet will always be Barry dancing behind the bar.

Cutting back to Rachel and Finn- they’re eating pepperoni pizza and it’s still jarring that Rachel hasn’t become vegan yet, but whatever. They make small talk, and Rachel asks how Glee is. Finn tells her that everyone misses her, and, well, Rachel totally calls his shit and says that they miss her for her talent. Finn says no, they miss her for her because friendship, and… honestly? No. Refer to earlier in the review, the whole club still hates her. And even in this instance- Finn likes her, yeah, but he doesn’t want her back in Glee because he likes her, he wants her there for, you guessed it, her talent. Anywho, Rachel tells Finn she likes Glee but wants to feel appreciated, and Finn tells her that he appreciates her.

The honesty of what he just said kind of freaks him out a bit, so he grabs a bowling ball for her and tells her to take her last bowl. Which is of course a strike. They giggle excitedly, and there is much jumping and merriment, and then Rachel kisses him.

After she breaks away, he asks her to come back to Glee club.

Oh Finn.

Rachel asks him what about Quinn, because she thinks this is her getting together with Finn, and Finn tells her that he doesn’t know what the future holds, so he wants to spend time with Rachel now. Rachel tells him she’ll quit the play, for him, and Rachel wants to be loved so badly that she’ll give up her shot at being a star to do it. Oh, Rachel. The song playing here is of course Hearbreak Beat by the Psychedelic Furs because our background music is temporally set in the 80’s because April. It’s fitting. Finn’s setting Rachel up for hearbreak, but it seems like her dream come true (There’s a heartbreak beat… but it feels like love).

We cut to the Glee Club gossiping about Quinn, with Puck immediately spilling the beans that Quinn is pregnant. And then he tells everyone that Finn’s the dad. For the record, he looks kind of like he can’t believe he told them this, and bails as soon as the club is distracted by something else. I get the feeling that Puck lashes out and then feels bad about it. At least, when he lashes out at people he cares about, anyways.

Unfortunately, Rachel comes in right after the news is dropped, hears that Quinn’s preggo, and then goes to give Finn a piece of her mind. She slaps him and informs him that everyone knew he and Quinn were having a baby, how could he lead her on like that. Finn tries to tell her that he didn’t lead her on, and that maybe he wasn’t honest with her, but he needs her back in the club so he can get a scholarship and care for his kid.

Rachel asks him why he wasn’t just honest with her, and he never really answers her. Rachel then blows him off, and requits the club because she is a woman scorned and hell hath no fury. She finds Sue, boots Sandy off the play, and has a minor freakout over how she has the stardom and all, but is still friendless and alone, and this isn’t really what she wanted.

Warmups. Are they meowing? I think they’re meowing.

Anyways, April shows up, dressed in a different costume, drunk as hell, and then makes out with Puck and squeezes Kurt’s nose. She practically throws herself into Will’s arms, calling him her boy (He’s married, April. Back off), and wow April. Will asks her incredulously if she’s drunk, and tells her that she promised to sober up for this event. Will has clearly never dealt with an alcoholic before, despite his mom being one. April tells him she was drunk when she said that (Which Will knows), so he can’t hold her to that. Before Will can ineffectually tell April off, Emma shows at the door, so Will peels April off of him and goes to talk to her.

Apparently April almost ran her over. Ouch. Emms has it rough this episode. Emma tries to tell Will to do the right thing and not let April go onstage, and Will tries to argue that if April doesn’t go on, none of the kids can. Emma, however, is so over this whole April thing, and she just walks off after sarcastically telling Will that he’s being a good teacher.

And so we cut to the first number! It’s Last Name by Carrie Underwood, and it’s the start of many numbers where the sheer skill of Brit Brit and Mike draws my focus. My apologies. But the number is a song about getting plastered, sung by our resident drunk. Specifically about regretting what you did because of being drunk. Of course Rachel is in the audience watching, and wishing that she could be a part of the club, friends with everyone. The poor girl looks heartbroken. Meanwhile, onstage April is looking a little lost herself. It seems as if she’s not exactly sure what she’s doing up on stage.

Will looks regretfully up at the stage.

Outside the bathroom, Will accosts April by the arm as soon as she leaves, before she even sees he’s there, and am I the only one who think’s that’s weird and forceful and not exactly the best way to get a woman’s attention? No? Just me?

Anyways, Will tells her that she can’t go out there for act 2 because she broke a promise. Not because the kids deserve the spotlight, not because performing when drunk is unprofessional (2.14), not because Will’s realized he shouldn’t obsess over winning, not because April needs therapy and AA, not Glee Club. Because she broke her word to Will.

…

You know what, fine. April has this covered anyways.

April tells Will that he’s right- it felt wrong to be up there, hogging the spotlight when the kids earned it, deserve it. She got a taste of being on the right track again, and she wants to turn her life around. Like, actually do it, not pretend like she’s been doing this whole episode. She tells Will that she’s glad they have him as a teacher, because he’ll make sure none of them end up like her. I must protest. Will asks her what she’s going to do now, and she says she’s going to set out for Broadway again. She asks Will if there’s a part for a wash up like her, and he tells her she’s not washed up yet. She walks off with the piano part of Maybe This Time tinkling in the background.

We cut to the kids getting ready in the choir room, and the kids are super jazzed about how well things are going. They ask where April is, and Will tells them that she’s not in the club anymore. He further goes on to say that he made the club about him (Again, Will has a tendency to make things about HIM. See: Last episode with Kendra, See: Bowling with April, See: starting the club to begin with), and that letting April join was a mistake. He tells the kids that they don’t need April to be amazing.

Mercedes quite rightly tells Will that they need April for the second act, and Will says they’re just going to cut the show short. I understand that this is the right thing to do, but it still sucks hard for these kids. They’re clearly devastated, and no amount of Will saying that there will be a next time makes up for the loss of THIS time to them.

Luckily, Rachel has been creeping around right outside the door, waiting for an opportune moment to show up. She offers to go on for April as her understudy. Mercedes asks her since when she’s been willing to be an understudy. I would hazard since maybe 5 minutes ago, though this isn’t a true understudy situation- she’s only asking to step in after it’s clear that she’s needed, she hasn’t been willing to play second fiddle the whole time.

But Rachel surprises everyone by telling them she quit the play. She further explains that she’s starting to learn that she wants friendship more than stardom (She still wants to feel special, she’s just… changing in what way), and that she can’t let the team down. She’s met with some pretty stony silence, so she goes on to say that she knows all the words to the song, because if there’s one Queen song Rachel should know the lyrics to, it’s Somebody to Love.

Quinn, who still cannot stand Rachel and won’t be able to for, like, ever, counters that Rachel doesn’t know the choreography. She gets instant backup from Santana, and you can just see Rachel deflate. The girl, in that moment, is crushed. All she wants is to be accepted and liked, and she puts herself out there, and bam. Rejected.

But then Finn does a nice thing, which is refreshing since he’s done nothing but awful things all episode. He says “Then we’re going to have to give her a lot of help out there”, which seems to get the whole group to turn around. It definitely turns Will around, because he tells Rachel to get into her costume.

We cut to Will sitting down in the audience. Emma is still looking at him like he’s the worst educator ever (He is), but Will starts smiling disarmingly at her, and she smiles tentatively back.

And we go into our closing number, Somebody to Love. And Emma gets super happy when she sees that Rachel is onstage and not April.

It’s the perfect song for Rachel right now, actually. All she wants is to be loved and accepted. Each day she gets more crap (Myspace comments, slushies at school, even her “Friends” only want her talent), but all she wants is to find somebody. Anybody. Just one person who accepts her. That’s actually probably why she forgives Finn so easily- he really is starting to accept who she is as a person (Even if he doesn’t always listen when that person talks, respect that person, or like what that person does).

And of course they trot Mercedes out to wail on the last note, because Will is a jerk. But also because all Mercedes wants is to feel is loved too, and while that’s not as big to the plot as Rachel is right now, it’s still the right moment to touch on that again.

And we cut to black after the end of the number.

One thing to note- Lima is sneakily very very awful. Most of the terrible stuff people did or said in this episode took me a moment to catch (Aside from the glaringly obvious cheating stuff).