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openingyourselfuptojoy2012-03-06 05:44 am
Glee Reviews: Vitamin D
We open on Will leading the kids through choreography, and it is weird. Like, more so than usual. For starters- Finn and Kurt aren’t in the choreography (Neither is Artie, but that’s par for the course for Will at this point). Which… what conceivable reason is there for this? As far as Will knows at this point he has to have all 12 of them at all times- that’s why Sue can ambush him in Throwdown. Furthermore, everyone’s sleepwalking through the choreography except… Rachel, Matt, and Mike. Someone likes Glee club.
The kids don’t feel like putting any effort into it because Sectionals is going to be “a breeze”. Will doesn’t even refute that (Asshole. You’ll find out why later), but says that if they breeze through Sectionals they won’t be ready for Regionals. I guess point to Will? Not one kid is respecting Will, Kurt is watching YouTube videos for crying out loud. Interesting point time.
Do the kids ever really respect Will? I mean, it seems clear to me at this point that they think they need him- most of the kids don’t grow out of that for a while. But I don’t think any of them go into this with respect for him (Or if they did, it left them after he quit a week in, or after he left to do boy band stuff for a couple weeks nbd). With of course the obvious exception of Finn. Let’s face it, this episode is a love letter to the kids not respecting Will- Quinn skips out on rehearsal, the girls try to breeze through the assignment, this whole opening segment.
Oh, and Finn is looking super tired. Make note of his lethargy now, it sets the plot in motion.
Cut to the lunchroom, where Will is telling Emma all about how the kids don’t even care about Sectionals. Unfortunately, Emma is distracted by the gigantic smear of mustard on Will’s chin. Like, it is massive. Hindenburg sized. Will of course tries to get the smear with his tongue, and let’s Emma wipe the smear off with her thumb rather than with a napkin or something that actually makes SENSE.
So, cute Wemma goodness I guess.
Emma tries to get them back on track, and Will confesses that everything started a week ago.
Time for our first stop!
Rachel is clearly reintegrated in the group at this point- meaning it’s AT LEAST after the April debacle. So our timeline for this year before sectionals- 2 weeks with Sandy/without a faculty advisor. 1 week of auditions, 1 week which ends in Will quitting and then rejoining. 1 week for the disco debacle. A few weeks for Acafellas. Preggers takes at least a week too. The Rhodes Not Taken take… 2? And now we have a lost week between TRNT and this week. Which will last all week. So…
And we still have 7 more episodes after this one.
Sectionals? Is really, really late first semester. Like, maybe finals time late.
Anyhow, Will bounces into the choir room, and tells the kids the good news- their opponents are the School for the Deaf in Dayton and Jane Addams Academy.
I find it interesting that they had Mercedes exposit what Jane Addams is, and that she views it derisively. It’s certainly food for thought. Also interesting is that Artie is the one who gets talking points about the School for the Deaf. Also dismissive. So it’s not just a fluke- this MEANS something.
So we have the start of a trend in Glee, starting in Showmance with Kurt (“It’s the song. It’s really gay.”), continuing with Mercedes and Artie here, and it’s a bit of a through line throughout the rest of the series- think Brit Brit in Duets (He may be the dumbest person in the world and that’s coming from me) Kurt in BIOTA (Bisexuals don’t exist), and Bieste in I Am Unicorn. Whatever it is they’re doing (Standard hypocritical humor? I’d say no as not every example is humorous. Drawing attention to the fact that being a member of a group does not inherently make you sensitive to said group? Incredibly likely imo)
Will thinks they’re complacent and wants to motivate the kids. Emma’s idea is a sticker board, which is only the worst possible motivator for high school students, but what I find interesting here is that Will is listening with interest- he’s genuinely never heard of a sticker board before. Let’s now remember Will’s parents. And what he’s said about them.
This has extra implications considering recent canon.
Sue thinks everything that’s been said so far is a huge waste of time, and cuts Emma off mid-explanation- apparently she has bile in her mouth. It traveled a long way from her liver, I’ll tell you what. Sue shows them a list of the Cheerios, and says that each week, she picks someone at “random” (I somehow doubt that, the Unholy Trinity never gets kicked out, nor does Becky) and kicks them out. Let’s consider the waiting list size in Audition. She probably has enough Cheerios to do it. In a way, it’s pretty genius. She gets a large starting pool, and pares it down as the year goes to a small force of precise roundhouse-ers.
Or she lets them back on the team, that would work too. Small details, this is narratively unimportant.
Will tells Sue things work differently in Glee club, to which Sue quite rightly asks him how that’s working out for him. Honestly? Sue’s got a point. The kids AREN’T scared of their competition, which is why they stopped trying. It will forever amaze me that Sue, for all her terrible methods, has the right idea 90% of the time. Meanwhile, Will has terrible ideas, but his methods… well, they’re pretty terrible too. But his methods are less lethal than Sue’s, I’ll give him that. They’re sort of weird, almost inverses of each other, right down to how Sue has to have excitement and change in her life, and Will is so often criticized for being a stick in the mud or conservative.
Sue further says that fear is like mother’s milk to kids- they need it to grow. And that the way to do that is competition. After dispensing those golden nuggets of wisdom (And giving a critique of Emma’s fashion sense), Sue flounces. Emma can’t imagine why Sue still works at WMHS, and Emma, honey? You are sometimes no better than Sue. Will, however, thinks she has a point. Which is also a bit of a trend in this show- Will takes no one’s advice more seriously than Sue’s. I don’t know what it is about this relationship that makes it work, but it does- Sue, more than anything, is the reason that the club doesn’t actually collapse. Which actually runs counter to her whole “DESTROY GLEE CLUB” thing she has going on.
COMPETITION. We’re treated to these delightful comparisons: Bill Clinton vs. Newt Gingrich (Even more hilarious considering the Republican Party this year), Bear vs. Shark (The fuck?), and the most wtf of them all, Above Ground Swimming Pool vs. Lightning.
Will believes these things are competing against each other. I just… Will thinks these things COMPETE. For those not in the know: Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton had remarkably similar stances during the Clinton administration: They both wanted to lower government spending, lower welfare, enact NAFTA, balance the budget, and were big on the war on drugs (Granted they were from different parties and had different methods in mind, so I guess they competed to see who could do this better? But on the other hand, there was a lot of working together done between Gingrich and Clinton- think the budget legislation in 1997). Sharks and bears… don’t really compete, unless we’re talking for the number one spot in people’s fears. Maybe Will thought fish? If he did, he was wrong. And even the kids can call out the lightning and pool one.
I’m sorry, but Will being a stupid failbot has been a thing since season 1.
Will calls all six of these things a champion in their own right (Um… no.) Kurt asks how these things are competing, and Will tells him to just go with it. He further calls the kids complacent, tells them they did a great job before, and that they have to up their game. For the most part the kids are still stuck on the competition images behind him.
Finn spends this whole speech yawning, and Quinn spends it shooting Finn dirty looks.
Will calls for the group to split up into teams- boys vs. girls. Kurt tries to join the girls (Probably because most of the guys are on the football team- ergo they’ve probably harassed or bullied him somehow. Possibly excepting Mike and maybe Matt- given Mike’s characterization later, it’s far more likely that he was a silent witness to all the crap the football team pulled, but did nothing to help the victims), but Will makes him rejoin the boys. Because that’s good teaching skills. Oh wait, Will STILL doesn’t realize that Kurt has been bullied, often at the hands of PEOPLE IN THE ROOM WITH HIM.
Will, no good teacher, etc.
Of note is that Mercedes laughs about it. I’m not sure what to do with this.
The competition is for mash ups, and after brief exposition via Puck (And the most flowery explanation of what a mash up is ever, really Will? People don’t normally talk that way), it’s decided that one week from today (Which must be either Tuesday or Wednesday) they’ll perform. Boys on Tuesday, girls “the next day”, which either means the next Glee club meeting or Wednesday, depending on your interpretation (Or, you know, Gordian knot that shit- the next Glee club meeting is Wednesday. Idk what your headcanons for Glee club meetings are).
Rachel quite rightly says that Will’s gender makes him biased (Good to see this pointed out in episode 6. Will’s gender biases him to LITTLE things, wouldn’t it bias him to BIG things too? I guess we’re going to continue to pretend the show hasn’t acknowledged this), to which Will says there will be a celebrity judge who’s gender won’t make them biased? Oh, he really means that there will be a judge of each gender, but he’s not very articulate.
The kids head out, Mercedes claiming that they have it in the bag, and Rachel starting the storyboarding of the choreography that night. However, Artie is planning to “Smack[ing] them down like the hand of God”, so the girls have some competition.
Will saunters over to ask Finn if he’s okay, and Finn just says that he’s worn out. And then 5 of the 6 Glee guys leave for football practice (Season 1 was way weirder about popularity of members than any other season).
“Dear journal, feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones. Breaking my juicer.” I love Sue sometimes. She should know, however, that there’s little nutritive value in the actual bone and that you can just scoop the marrow out, thus saving her juicer. But anyways. Sue’s journal is an interesting look into her psyche, that’s all I have to say. Anyways, Sue’s worried because Quinn’s knee quivered in Cheerios practice, and Quinn says that she’s “just really tired from Glee club”. Which is distressing, because Sue won’t be able to afford her hovercraft. Sue, it’s not a huge loss, they’re not even street legal.
GLEE CLUB. It’s full of scab eating mouth breathers (Actually, 7/12 of them are popular kids. So there’s that). Sue longs to destroy it. (Only she hasn’t tried hard to do that. Like, at all. She just gave Will advice to make it work better. In fact she only redoubles her efforts to destroy it when it somehow gets in her way, at least at this point. Steals some of her budget? Cheerio spies. Tires her head cheerleader? Terri spy. She needs to get off her spy kick too.) After some incredibly in depth insults to the club (I love Sue’s insults objectively, from a creative standpoint), Sue settles on taking out the Sheppard (Again. Didn’t she decide this in Acafellas too?). So she decides to target Will, and because his and Emma’s emotional affair can be seen from space, she decides it’s time to take this to the matrimonial side.
One thing of note here I’d like to say is that Sue doesn’t even turn off the lies for her own journal- her professed age varies wildly based on her life experiences, yet she insists for most of season 1 that she’s about to turn 30. Sue is random for the sake of being random. Or, more likely- so that other people are kept off balance around her. It gives her an advantage in most social situations. And you know how Sue likes to win.
Terri and Sue, chez Schuester. Sue cuts to the chase and tells Terri he’s having an affair. It is raining outside because terrible stuff happens when it’s raining in season 1. Terri politely asks wtf Sue is talking about, and Sue clarifies that Will and Emma are getting it on, emotional style and that if Terri doesn’t want this to go further, she needs to do something. Sue is an excellent emotional manipulator.
They dither a bit about Terri being pregnant (Which is mostly Sue calling her fat and saying she doesn’t want kids, natch), and we get more blatant lies by Sue (The “don’t have the uterus” line), and then Sue tells Terri that she and Will should move districts, so that Will isn’t taken by a “Mentally ill ginger pygmy with eyes like a bush baby”. Terri asks Sue if she’s sure. Which of course invites Sue to invite Terri to come to the school and see it in action.
How you might ask, since Terri is an assistant manager at a retail store, which doesn’t actually require a degree in teaching, which one would presumably use to infiltrate a school? Why, by taking the place of the school nurse!
Whom Sue assaulted, of course. Lima SUCKS.
Terri says that she’s not a nurse, she works at Sheets and Things, but Sue counters that she’s not a US citizen so stop the whining. Sue’s also run for office two other times than in season 3. Go figure. She encourages Terri to get creative (Creativity. Yet she hates the arts. Yeah.).
Our next scene is Figgins’s office, where he tries to gently let Terri down about applying for the job, but Terri has first aid training and defibrillator experience, so of course that’s good enough for a public school nurse! Figgins is quietly impressed because he has no backbone and because he’s a cheapskate.
Lima SUCKS. AGAIN.
Emma and Will at the contraband coffee maker. Emma wants to know what Will’s big plans are for the club, and Will is super excited to tell her. See, since Emma expressed dislike for Sue’s ideas earlier, she’s sure to disapprove of them now that Will’s adopting them, right?
Oh wait, no, she has Will blinders on. So of course she’s behind the idea now. It doesn’t hurt that Will butters her up the entire time- she’s to be the celebrity judge, and she’s the most honest and impartial person he’s ever met, he would be honored, Emma you’re super special awesome amazing so much better than Terri my icky wife oh god she’s right behind me isn’t she.
Of course she’s right behind him. Watching this whole thing unfold and going “Oh shit, Sue was right.”
She marches in to the teacher’s lounge, and lays down the law. She’s Terri, Will’s PREGNANT WIFE. Then, because she is awful (And this is done with such willful maliciousness I can only read this as Terri knowing EXACTLY what she’s doing), she licks her hand and rubs it on Emma’s cup, ostensibly to get rid of a lipstick mark, but mostly to mess with Emma’s OCD. TERRI YOU SUCK.
Emma is busy having a minor freak-out, so Will asks Terri what she’s doing here. At work. Visiting him. Because she never does that and wow this is awkward. Terri informs him that she isn’t visiting; she’s just picked up a second job to help out Will. I love how Terri frames it all as being a good wife when she’s clearly clearly NOT being one (To be fair, Will is also not being a good husband).
Will correctly points out that being a nurse requires training, and Terri’s counter is that please, it’s public school. I hate Lima, because after she says this, we never revisit this plot point. Which means… in Lima, this is a legitimate point! Huzzah. After some pointed remarks about being around all the time now, Terri giggles her way into our next commercial break.
KNOW. YOUR. ROUTES. We pan over the football players, and Finn is zoning out during football practice. He falls asleep in there and then jolts awake during Glee practice (Because they don’t take other classes, lol). Finn says he knows he should be excited about his life, with his Sixteen and Pregnant girlfriend and football/Glee (I know that *I* want a life like that), but he can’t stop thinking about Rachel and how hot and sexy she is. Remember how he was yawning like that? Well, Finn has hit onto a terrible, terrible time in puberty. Growth spurts. Well, and disgusting ear hair growth.
Yeah, guess what? When you get growing pains, you actually need more sleep. So there’s the handy dandy explanation for the plot- puberty. And of course, we know Finn’s not getting enough sleep- he goes to bed when Cinemax starts playing real movies again, e.g. 4AM. So he’s getting roughly half the sleep he should be (consequently, I know that feel, but because Tumblr instead of porn).
We watch him tiredly putz around, putting Biofreeze in his eyes, wear Drakkar Noir, Fail at Xbox, and give up homework. Finn Hudson, ladies and gentlemen.
After the voiceover we cut to a Glee guys meeting that Finn is sleeping through. Puck and Kurt are leaning in to see what’s up with him, and I honestly commend Kurt for his courage here- not 2 episodes ago the guy was still bullying him. They’re trying to get him to focus, and Artie DECLARES what the guys are singing, because even if early Season 1 is Finn leading the pack, Artie still naturally assumes leadership when the guy is out of commission.
Puck wants to get all Stomp up in this, but Artie likes it better when Puck shuts up because his ideas are awful. Oh Artie, you are the most best. Puck is still weirded out by how tired Finn is, and directs him to see the nurse so that he can take a nap. Kurt does his best to reign in his disgust over the blatant disregard for education that Puck is showing, but deigns to let himself roll his eyes over it. As Finn walks out of the room, we see Matt and Mike staring after him all “WTF Finn”, and Puck just stares at him like he’s an idiot. You can clearly see his resentment of Finn growing larger by the second.
Rachel’s team! Yeah, her team is the exact inverse of the boys. Rachel, team leader, is the only member who cares. Meanwhile, Finn, ‘team leader’ (Really Artie right now) is the member who DOESN’T care in the boys’ side, he’s too tired. Show, what is symmetry. In fact, it carries further- the two groups are actually now at Boys minus Finn, and Girls minus Quinn. Clever.
Rachel asks where Quinn is, and reminds the girls to warm up, but they mostly just giggle about how Quinn’s preggo, because that’s super nice. Rachel tries to motivate the girls, but Mercedes tells her to chill, that she’s picked the songs (actually, Rachel has), and that the girls are going to wing it. Actually, considering that Quinn isn’t here to practice, I don’t see how much choreography and harmony they can even do.
It’s interesting that this episode frames the dudes so far as being very, very much the bottom of the barrel in club. Which in a way makes sense- Finn has trouble singing and dancing, Puck is apathetic about leads until Mash Up, Kurt sings girl songs and thus isn’t featured by Will, and Artie ‘can’t dance’. Meanwhile, Matt and Mike are consummate chorus members- and they’re great at it, they never shirk that work at all, even now, but… Mercedes is kind of right- the big hitters for ND are and will continue to be the girls. Well, and Kurt imo, but that’s not explicitly canon, and even if we count him Will still thinks he’s too gay to function right now etc.
Anyways, scene change.
Finn walks into the nurse’s office. He says hi to Mrs. Schuester, and then tells her he has Glee with her husband. And yes, also Spanish, but this show isn’t called Spanish. So Terri does what any licensed medical professional does, she sits him down and has him start describing his symptoms.
Oh wait, no. She does what any baby swap conspiracy member does when confronted by her baby’s bio dad- she starts pumping him for information so she’ll know what her baby is like.
Oh, I forgot that this is the point where we get our explicit Finn/Will parallel for the episode- Finn spends most of this time confessing to adult!Quinn that he keeps thinking about Rachel (girls, but come on we can fill in the blanks). Terri is appalled to hear that teenage!Will is thinking about girls teenage!Emma, and gives Finn some rather pointed advice. Finn just wants a nap. Me too, brother.
But Terri thinks this shows bad character in her baby’s father, so she starts berating Finn for sleeping his life away. Finn read somewhere that teens need as much sleep as infants (Since that is absolutely wrong- infants need 12-18, teens need 8-10- I can only assume he read that on the internet). But Terri cannot stand this kind of stupidity- she lists off her Quinn parallels in rapid succession, then wonders how she had time to do it all, then remembers that it was because of drugs.
Pseudoephedrine. Which is NOT like a vitamin, btw. It’s a stimulant and chemical precursor to meth (Which is sort of a plot point, whoops spoilers), as well as a decongestant. The sale of which has recently come under stricter regulation because IT’S A PRECURSOR TO METH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK TERRI. Finn asks her if it’s safe, and she counters with “they’re over the counter” which isn’t an answer at all, and then gives us a logical fallacy of SOME kind by saying that Finn should trust her because she’s a school nurse (A position she’s not qualified for).
And while warning buzzers AWOOGA in the background, Finn swallows the pills and...
I can honestly say that Finn and Rachel on “Vitamin D” are hilarious.
Finn comes in bursting with energy, much to the confusion of every person in the room. When Artie asks Finn if his soul was taken over by caffeinated space aliens, Finn just asserts that he’s on a new Vitamin. Puck, because he is street smart as fuck, knows what that means, so he smirks while asking what the “Vitamin” is. Kurt, however, is a little more naïve and starts quoting Vogue. But Finn is one step ahead, and provides them all with the safe over the counter pick-me-up he’s currently taking.
So we drop into our first number of the night, It’s My Life/Confessions Pt. 2.
It’s Finn on vocals for It’s My Life, with Puck being second voice, with Artie singing Confessions, and Mike getting a dance solo. This is clearly Finn’s first foray into rebelling against all the pressures in his life via the relatively harmless medium of song- baby drama, all the people looking to him to be a leader and junk (All the stuff he complained about earlier in the episode, actually), and of course Puck’s playing second fiddle to Finn. The song is also about an unexpected pregnancy, and well… rocket science is not required.
Will walks up and starts congratulating the guys- Oh, I’m sorry, all the guys but Kurt. He walks up and TURNS HIS BACK ON ONE OF HIS STUDENTS to congratulate the other five. That’s what good teachers do, you know? Purposefully exclude his students that are already excluded by their peers.
Fuck you Will.
Luckily, my man Mike Chang does not jive with this bullshit and goes over to play with Kurt’s scarf/tickle him/include him because he is a good person and also apparently the first jock to be friends with Kurt, the boy who is likely his personal hero because he was afraid to dance outside his room and here’s a boy unabashedly unashamed of dancing in front of the whole damn school. Kurt Hummel for Mike’s personal hero. Mike Chang, you are forever my favorite. Erm.
Sorry, my bias was showing.
So Will makes some ignorant yet apropos statement about drugs in juice boxes and how the dudes were on fire and the girls better bring it, and then we cut to commercial while Rachel looks personally offended by how good the boys’ number was (Interestingly, in Never Been Kissed we get the official Glee Club ruling- the kids all agree that the boys won this year).
Quinn at her locker. Rachel walks up to talk to her. She tells Quinn she missed her at Glee rehearsal, and Quinn lists off all the other stuff that she does in high school that isn’t Glee, just in case we missed her parallels with Terri. Cheerios, Honor Role, cultivating popularity. Check. Rachel cuts the bull crap and says that Quinn doesn’t have to be embarrassed (True) and that no one at Glee is going to judge her (False, Will exists). Rachel once again employs her “Everyone expects X” when she really means “I think X”, and says that while “Everyone” thinks they should be in competition, she doesn’t hate Quinn.
Quinn however is skeptical because nothing in her life is free. She asks Rachel why because she’s been awful to her, and Rachel says it’s because Quinn now knows what it’s like to be Rachel.
Pause.
Actually… Quinn DOES know what it’s like to be Rachel- Lucy Caboosey. (Of course this hasn’t been envisioned yet or has it but that doesn’t change the fact that we know it’s canon) So she let’s Rachel give her spiel about how being different and outcast is going to change her, even though she knows it’s false, because it helps her. Quinn, from very early on in the series, is a social pragmatist- she does what she has to relationship wise to get what she needs out of the world, which really speaks volumes about her home life.
Rachel says that as more and more people find out about the pregnancy, Quinn will need people to be able to relate to, and Quinn asks her how she’s going to be able to relate to Teen Pregnancy as a Celibacy advocate. Well, point to Quinn. Rachel counters that she knows what it’s like to be outcast by her peers and whispered about.
Also Quinn draws pornographic pictures of Rachel. Just throwing that out there.
Rachel continues her trend of “I don’t approve of what you’re doing but recognize that it’s your choice to do it and won’t stop you, so long as you don’t hurt anyone else” (Started with her conversation with April, continued in informing Finn of the baby’s paternity, a whole bunch of stuff season 2, and, most recently, Hold on to Sixteen with Shelby and, you guessed it, Quinn). She tells Quinn that she should enjoy her youth before it’s stripped away from her, and that realistically she won’t be able to hide behind the Cheerio’s uniform much longer.
She talks about how much fun boys vs. girls is right now, and invites Quinn back into the fold, whilst passing judgment on her singing techniques. Quinn tells Rachel she would have tortured her if the roles were reversed, and Rachel gives her a small “I know” before walking off and basking in how much better a person she is than Quinn, or whatever.
Terri’s office. She calls up Howard Bamboo to buy her decongestants, and asks him to buy 36. Howard is upset by this because he can’t count above 30 (CONTINUITY WHOAMG). Enter Ken. He wants to talk to Terri, and she’s all, “Sure whatevs”. Ken basically tells her that Will and Emma are SOULMATES OMG THEIR LOVE IS SO STRONG, and Terri can’t even be surprised anymore, she’s got to be like “Does EVERYBODY but me know?” at this point. She asks how long it’s been going on, and Ken says a couple months now, but unless Emma started at the school at the beginning of this year (Considering her early rivalry with Sue, I wouldn’t bet on it), it’s likely been going on for longer and Ken just never noticed.
Terri says she knew something was up way back in episode 3, a whole 3 episodes back, because plot points simmer on this show. Ken asks if Will’s ever mentioned Emma to her, and Terri says no. Then calls Will stupid. Will is DUMB, the characters all comment on it. This is canon, what show are you watching, etc. Terri then admits she’s only here to keep an eye on Will, and that she’s not built to work 5 days a week. Oh Terri. Ken just wants to get a girl (Any girl), so he just grossly hits on Terri because he is a gross gross man.
Terri decides this is an awesome time to deflect the pressure back onto Ken and asks if he and Emma have sex. Inappro, Terri. Unfortunately this makes Ken admit that they haven’t had sex yet. Then he says that he loves Emma so much. And considering he just made an attempt at cheating on her? No, he really doesn’t. Stay classy Ken. Terri is unaccustomed to dealing with other people’s emotions, but gets up to rub soothing circles in Ken’s back. This stops as soon as Ken admits to an undescended testicle and psoriasis. Hee.
And then Terri tells Ken to man up, and that they’re going to fix this. She decides that Ken proposing to Emma is the way to do that. Ken doesn’t want to man up anymore, but then Terri decides to use drugs to fix this problem too. And it does.
This episode is basically just one long love letter to stimulants, imo. My stimulant of choice is caffeine, so it all works out.
Choir room. Rather than rally the troops to practice their mash up, Rachel spends the better part of an hour berating everyone. Because season 1, Rachel is kind of awful when she’s not being sympathetic. Quinn asks Rachel if they were really that good, and Rachel says yes, and that they’re going to win and now Rachel will be humiliated again. Because it’s all about Rachel to Rachel right now. But more on that later. Tina and Mercedes are just pissed that the guys were actually good.
Kurt to the rescue! Apparently the boys side was not kind to him (barring Mike, who we see onscreen as being kind to him), and denied him creative input. So because season 1 everyone is a catty bitch, Kurt narks on the boys to Rachel.
Hallway. Finn is rapid firing about how much of his social life he’s accomplishing- getting plays worked out, writing about Nazi hotspots in Argentina, you name it, he’s doing it. And then Rachel busts up in his business and calls him a cheater. Finn tries to brush her off, but she brandishes Kurt’s evidence in his face, and basically calls him a juicer. Finn, however, knows that Steroids make your junk fall off (Shrink), so he takes umbrage at that parallel.
Finn tries to say that he’s under a lot of pressure, but Rachel counters that by saying we all have pressure and she’ll deal with it without drugs, kthnx. Rachel wakes up every day at 6 AM to Matthew Wilder’s Break My Stride, inexplicably already on the chorus because why not. Anyways, obvious background music is obvious- Rachel’s a determinator. She can’t be stopped, nothing’s gonna slow her down, etc.
Once again we have incredibly loud conversations mid-hallway about Quinn’s pregnancy (Twice so far this episode), and nothing comes of it (maybe. See: JBI next episode). Finn tells Rachel that the pressure he’s under is based on other people’s expectations, and therefore harder to deal with. Finn goes on to say that he’s not ashamed of helping out his team. Then he quite rightly informs Rachel she’s not mad that they cheated, she’s mad that she’s going to lose to them. Rachel says bullshit, but you can tell Finn’s getting to her here- he hit it right on the nose.
And so of course our next scene is Rachel dosing her team. Rachel asks if it’s a good idea to do this, to which Terri again just says that it’s over the counter. Ugh.
Teacher’s lounge. Apparently Ken has to train you to use the shredder. He’s currently shredding paper at the speed of sound. Will is wondering if Terri should be dispensing medical advice when she’s not a medical professional, and Terri just tells him to can it. Ah, healthy relationships. Emma waltzes in looking particularly doe eyed, and Terri decides it’s time to get freaky, licky style, on Will. Will is scandalized and starts clutching his pearls and all that, and tells Terri that them being together all the time is not good for their marriage.
Terri is all “How does spending time together hurt our marriage?”, but Will just wants some him time to carry on an affair during so that they have stuff to talk about when they ARE together. Considering we flash to a dinner they’re having where they talk about ants, I think he has a point. Terri just thinks they need to get creative, and then tries to follow Will to the bathroom. Girl, slow your roll.
Will flounces, so Terri turns her gimlet eye to the other easily cowed/manipulated male in the room: Ken. So Ken gets down on one knee and gives a weirdly desperate, kind of crazy, but also sort of endearing proposal. My personal favorite touch is that he got her a cubic zirconium ring because blood diamonds freak her out. It was a nice sentiment. It’s sort of undercut when Emma starts freaking out and saying this has to be a dream, and you can really tell she doesn’t want to say yes. But alas, this isn’t a dream. It’s real life. Commercial.
“Thank you so much it really is a pleasure. While the boys chose a selection of songs that cast a light inward on the irresponsible life choices and the sexual hunger of today’s modern teens we have chosen a selection of songs that speaks to the nation as a whole during these troubling times filled with economic uncertainty and unbridled social woe because if there's two things America needs right now that is sunshine and optimism.....also Angels!!”
You gotta love Rachel sometimes.
Halo/Walkin’ On Sunshine time. It’s Rachel and Mercedes, basically, with Mercedes mostly backing vocals for Rachel. With lyrics about walls coming down and knowing people love you, I imagine that it’s mostly about Rachel and New Directions- after last episode, she might finally be settling into the group and feeling accepted. But I’ll admit I don’t have a good handle on what this song means in canon, so interpretations welcome you guys.
Anyways, the performance is fantastic, and honestly I love both mash ups this episode, and while I’ll admit that the boys won, it is very, very close.
Anyways, the girls are hyper, Kurt is an awful spy, and the boys have great reaction faces. Will once again encourages the kids to keep doing drugs, because he is oblivious. Then he asks Emma to walk with him, so they can talk.
Emma tells Will that she thinks his plan to motivate via competition worked, and then Will tells Emma that he considers her a co-conspirator and that they “came up with the idea together”. Uh… no? SUE came up with the idea of scaring the kids (Explicitly here, Finn and Rachel have their reputations on the line for their team, and nothing scares them more at this point), and even mentioned competing. But of course Will won’t give any credit to Sue. Ugh. But Will doesn’t care about that. He cares if Emma is getting married to Will.
Emma admits that Ken asked her, and then asks Will if he can think of a reason she shouldn’t marry Ken. Will prevaricates because he doesn’t want to say that HE’S her other option, but he’s totally thinking it. He tells her that’s not a good reason to marry someone, and Emma tells him immediately that that’s not what she’s asking.
Excellent.
The thing about Terri and Will? They usually pull the same crap in the same episodes, yet TERRI is the one framed as the bad guy. It’s clever storytelling. But remember, this whole episode I’ve been harping on how “It’s over the counter” is not an answer to the question “is it safe?”, and here we have Will attempting the same dodge to Emma. The difference is that Terri is pulling this on high schoolers, who are gullible, and also inherently trust her because of her position of authority. Will tries to pull it on an equal, and she immediately calls his bullshit.
I love Emma.
They stand there staring intently at each other, and Terri watches it and seethes.
Emma’s office. Emma is staring out her window, deep in thought. Terri busts in and drops the gauntlet- back off of Will Emma, there’s no way you can compete with me. She further says that Terri/Emma competition is equivalent to Hammer/Nail competition (Or swimming pool/lightning?), and that Emma is obviously the nail.
Emma screws up her courage, and tells Terri that Will is a good man (debatable), that he’s kind (I guess) and generous (sometimes), and that he deserves better than Terri (To be fair, Terri also deserves better than Will). Which, whoo boy, sick burn Emma. But Terri is not taking any of Emma’s crap because she is Quinn but grown up, and her armor is thick as can be. She turns it right back around on Emma, and explains that being nice to someone you see for hours a day doesn’t make her “better” than Terri, and that trying to steal someone’s husband certainly doesn’t either.
Emma, suitably shamed by this, bows her head. Terri goes for the deathblow. She tells Emma to marry Ken, who sucks, but is available. And he’s kind (uh, no. licking car doors, anyone) and generous (“you stole my quarterback”). Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. And then she turns on her heel and flounces out of Emma’s office.
Apparently to run into Quinn out in the hall. Quinn asks her if they can talk about the baby, and because Terri is as ignorant as can be, she asks if it’s coming now. Quinn is appalled by this level of stupidity (Quinn probably KNOWS that baby via hot tub doesn’t work, and is just using it on Finn, much akin to Finn and prostate removal for Puck). She then says that she wants to give the baby to Terri, because she likes her life (Specifically Cheerios and Glee, hmm), and the baby would be too many good things in her life.
We get another hint of Quinn’s upbringing. However inconvenient this child is, however unprepared she is to have it, however wanted or not the baby is, it’s a good thing in her life. A blessing to have. It’s a stark contrast to how she referred to it during a time of duress- she laments her chance to get out of Lima. The baby is a burden then. But calm, collected, rational Quinn is back. Good Christian girl Quinn is back. And so the baby is a blessing.
Terri is overjoyed at this, and rushes to agree with Quinn- she doesn’t know how kids these days can have time for everything (except for the part where Quinn’s high school days are literally a mirror of Terri’s), then asks to make sure that Finn’s okay with this because she doesn’t want any baby daddy drama.
Quinn goes on to say that she’s doing this for Finn. Another interesting deflection. She’s not giving the baby up for HER, that would be selfish. She’s giving it up for FINN. Oh Quinnie. She goes on to say that Finn internalizes pressure and will have a heart attack one day, so she’s going to relieve one bit of pressure- raising a kid in high school.
She goes on to say that she hopes Mr. Schue won’t find out about this because she doesn’t want to hurt him, which is nice of her. Terri assures her that mum is the word. Then Quinn moves on to the last negotiation phase of the conversation- she’s going to need help paying for ultrasounds and maternity clothes and vitamins, and thinks that since Terri will be getting the baby, maybe she would want to help out?
Terri is scandalized for some reason, and tells Quinn that she’ll be paying for the baby for years and that she can handle it for 9 months. If I was Quinn I’d be taking an ad out in the penny saver right now because Terri is being sort of a jerk about this, but that’s me. And I realize that’s not an option for Quinn- she’s in a REALLY shitty situation and she’s making the best of it.\
Locker Room. It’s disgusting. Emma comes in to accept Ken’s proposal. With several caveats. No last name changes, no big ceremony, no sharing apartments, no hanging out after school, secret marriage. Ken, bless his heart, says that’s better than he expected. And then Emma says she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone, and oh, Emma. So she says yes.
Outdoor hallway that I miss. Rachel is walking by looking self satisfied, until Finn comes up and calls her A Rach. She tries to deflect by saying that it’s not cheating if everyone does it (Like juicing in baseball), but you can tell she doesn’t actually believe any of that, and so can Finn. She confesses to feeling awful about cheating, and Finn does too. In fact, Finn doesn’t remember performing, which is vaguely alarming.
I’d just like to reiterate that an adult in a position of trust and authority drugged them. While we get funny reactions with the kids, when the adults address this issue it is played 100% seriously- Lima Ohio SUCKS.
Finn asks what they can do about it, and Rachel replies that the only honorable thing to do is to withdraw from the competition- both of them. Finn thinks it’s a good idea, and so they walk off together down the hallway. Rachel apologizes for calling Finn names, Finn admits he didn’t know what those words meant, and it’s all well and good. Then we get our first tender Rachel befriending ND character development- this is the moment when Rachel makes it a goal of hers to stop competing against ND and start competing WITH them. It’s interesting because in the very next episode, it’s the first one where we see her actively included in anything- even at the beginning of this episode when Will is announcing their competition, she’s counting out steps and directing the other kids. She’s constantly set apart from the girls on her team throughout the episode too, yet next episode we have RIDE WIT ME EXCUSE ME FANBOY SQUEEING, where she’s actually trying to integrate into the group. It’s nice.
Figgins’s office. Will is flabbergasted that Terri drugged his kids, and Terri still stands by “they’re over the counter, lol totes safe” which just incenses Will even more. Terri further goes on to say that “if she didn’t give it to them, someone else would”, which is such specious argument that of course it’s something a Lima adult would say. Will tells her that, uh, no, no they wouldn’t have, and that his kids are good kids who only did this because THE SCHOOL NURSE gave it to them.
Terri tries to deflect again by saying that nothing bad happened, but Figgins chooses this moment to let us know that Howard was arrested because the feds were sure he was running a crystal meth lab. Terri extricates herself from blame by saying it’s Howard’s fault for screwing up getting the drugs.
Will can’t believe this, tells Terri he can’t trust her with a cadre of teenagers, let alone a baby (I’d honestly say it’s a tossup as to what requires more responsibility and control), and that she’s oblivious to consequences. Um… Will? Pot, kettle? Really buddy? REALLY?
Just wait though; I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Will tells Terri that she needs to stop helping him because she just makes stuff worse and isn’t that a nice thing to say to your spouse. Terri is very clearly hurt by this, and then Figgins makes her step down as school nurse. Terri tries to save face by saying that she was working too hard anyways, but she’s not fooling anyone.
Will tries to step out, and Figgins tells him that he’s in trouble too. Will tries to protest that he was unaware that this was going on, and really Will? That’s the defense you’re picking? You have 12 kids, and all 12 of them (Or at least 11 of 12) have sudden mood changes and excess energy, all at the same time, and you don’t think to question it? You think THAT makes you look like a good educator? REALLY?
Will is a great teacher amirite guys?
And of course Will doesn’t think that there should be any consequences for that. He’s oblivious to consequences too.
Figgins, however, is just as hypocritical as every other adult in this room though. He calls Mr. Schue out on fostering a cut throat competition environment for his kids, which creates an unsafe learning environment. How is this hypocritical you ask? I direct you to one Sue Sylvester.
‘Nuff said.
And of course, if he’s calling out Schue for fostering that kind of environment, of COURSE he’ll bring in the woman who made all this happen- the woman who fosters this environment for the Cheerios. Sue.
Choir room. Rachel is apologizing on behalf of the Glee club, and where’s Finn, the other team leader? The one who started this mess on the boys’ side?
Oh, just chilling in the back, trying to hide from scrutiny. Of course he’s all about being a leader, but the minute something bad happens it’s someone else’s kettle of fish. Finn has a lot to learn.
Mr. Schue is disappointed in them because drugs, of course, and most of the kids look suitably chastened. Rachel wants to just move past this, because they know what they did is wrong, but Mr. Schue tells her that unfortunately there are some unforeseen consequences to their actions. They’re getting a co-director. And it’s SUE DUN DUN DUN.
Brittany and Santana are ecstatic, of course, but everyone else looks not happy. At all. Sue starts being facetious about how happy she is to be on board, and no one buys it at all.
Will walks out of the choir room. And after getting this terrible set of news- his wife is insane, he’s oblivious to what his students are doing, Sue’s his new co-director, he has Emma waltz up and tell him that she accepted Ken’s proposal. I don’t even like the guy, but OUCH. This is a bad day for him.
Rachel’s room. She’s looking at the back of a pseudoephedrine box, looking conflicted. But in the end, she throws the box out, and turns on her motivational music. We see her on her elliptical, and the STAR sign has been replaced- true to her word, Rachel has decided that her goals are too selfish. So she’s changed her goal from becoming a star herself to winning Sectionals with everyone. D’aw.
And that’s the end of that!