GLee Reviews: Pilot

[four_tens]

So I’ve decided that this show is worth enough of my time to devote to reviewing it. And not just quick, off the cuff reviews, but some actual, honest to god work at it reviews. So welcome to my BIG GAY GLEE REVIEW (As to mock Jacob Ben Israel, and also because Glee is possibly the gayest show on prime time TV right now [Which I think is a very very good thing! (parenthesis in parenthesis, oh my)]).

So here’s how it’s gonna go down. We’re going to talk about each episode that happens in a specific way. First will be a rather snarky review of the episode in question, much akin to TWoP (Only less, you know, hostile). This show is basically insane, again in a good way, and there’s a lot of things about it that make very little sense. However, it’s surprisingly less of it than most people give it credit for, especially if we look at the world in an internally consistent way- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many people complain about how Glee works when we’re consistently shown that it works in way X, rather than way Y like the real world does.

On top of that, we’ll be looking into some basic costuming choices (Something done to death in meta analysis, really, so you should get used to it- I won’t be nearly as involved in this as many other meta-ers, so yeah.), song selection and its meaning (And contrary to most fan complaint, I feel that almost all the songs in the show fit very well), etc. These will be covered in a strict format, as the second leg of our reviews.

 

RULE NUMBER ONE: Don’t be a dick. Yeah, you may disagree with something I’m saying. Or think I’m giving the show a liberal interpretation. Or something like that. Whatever. But there’s a difference between posting a comment disagreeing and posting a comment disparaging. Know that difference, toe that difference, go that distance, done.

RULE NUMBER TWO: I absolutely love conversation about this kind of thing, though, so feel free TO comment, especially if you disagree- discourse makes everything better.

RULE NUMBER THREE: Haters to the left. I’m sorry, but if you are in this fandom exclusively to bitch about things, then this is not the review for you. Might I direct you to TWoP, which does fantastic and hilarious reviews of this show (That are not remotely nice, btw, fair warning), so as not to miss out on the phenomenon.

RULE NUMBER FOUR:  I am a human being. Treat me as such. Now this rule means many things- I can be mistaken about things or miss something critical in a review. I have feelings and they can be hurt. I am ignorant on a great many things (Specifically disability politics, so please please PLEASE feel free to step in and school me, because I want to actually, you know, KNOW stuff.). I will probably curse. My language is not as PC as it really should be, so if you have issue with a turn of phrase I use, just tell me, and I’ll try to cut it out of my writing. Etc. Etc.

 

Most of these rules should be pretty self explanatory, but just in case they aren’t, they’re in writing now. So! Onto the episodes! Let’s let episode 1 be the template for what I’m trying to accomplish here.

 

PILOT

An interesting thing to note here is that the Pilot? Yeah, like most pilots, is actually subtly different from every episode that comes after. That’s sort of how pilots work, they’re used to even pitch the show, so there’s a lot of things that happen in the pilot that don’t quite gel with the series as a whole.

We open to the Cheerios doing a routine. A really good routine. We’re faced with a bunch of faceless extras, until Sue Sylvester (God bless her), is shown watching her stopwatch with a disgusted face. “You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that’s hard.” Ha.

Title Card.

We get the opening to Earth Wind and Fire’s “Shining Star” (And yes, this review will note those background songs whenever possible, because they’re also important), and we focus in on a dragging muffler, which is a huge road hazard and should get Will pulled over by the cops to get it fixed. So let’s see. We’re less than 40 seconds into the episode, and we’ve broken from reality twice now, with Sue being inappropriate and Will’s car.

I will note here and now. This show never has been, and never will be, realistic. Get used to it.

Will climbs out of his car, and comes up to a group of jocks, surrounding one Kurt Hummel. He asks Kurt if he’s making some new friends, and Kurt fixes him with his best wide eyed disbelief stare (This is our third break from reality- no way a teacher would not get that. We are a minute in now). An as yet unnamed jock (Puck) assures Mr. Schue that that’s exactly what’s going down. Mr. Schue tells Finn that he owes him some assignment in Spanish, a handy bit of exposition that tells us that Mr. Schue is a Spanish teacher (shocker!).

We get some useful exposition on Finn in this exchange when he says “Almost halfway done with almost all of it” (He’s not very bright), and some more when he lets Kurt take off his jacket and looks conflicted over tossing him into the dumpster. And some for Kurt when we learn that he’s concerned, not for his welfare, but his clothes.

WMHS is a weird place.

The best part of this whole exchange is that the song is insisting that you’re a special, awesome, shining star no matter what, while this whole thing is happening. Because, as far as I can tell, not one person is being one (But all of them, at least the ones who have spoken, have the potential to be one). This irony of telling us one thing and showing us another thing is a very Glee thing- this sort of thing will happen time and time again.

Will is standing in front of a show choir trophy for 1993, and an admittedly rather funny picture of Lillian Adler, and we get our quote that will be the basic theme of Glee for all of time. People, if you missed this, than you are missing a lot about this show.

“By its very definition, Glee is about opening yourself up to joy”

~~~

I’m going to break with tradition right now and tell you something about this show.

This is not a happy show.

In fact, on some levels this is a flat out depressing show. Think of all the crap that happens to everyone.

They keep singing.

Hated at school, kicked out by parents, belittled and talked down to by the one person on their side.

They keep singing.

Infighting, break ups, baby drama, drug use, bigotry, sexism, ableism, homophobia, racism.

They keep singing.

There are many things that Glee isn’t, but true to its guiding principle, it is.

Back to your regularly scheduled review.

Glee is about opening yourself up to joy. It’s about Singing like you mean it, because life sucks.

~~~

We cut to Will’s Spanish class, at 2:45ish. And here’s something you may not have noticed at first- Will’s the one watching the clock when we zoom in. He doesn’t care about teaching Spanish. Like, at all. His accent is passable, but having the whole class repeat sentences is a poor way to engage a classroom of high schoolers, and he’s not even trying. Finn is ALSO not trying, and it’s pretty ridiculous.

And oh god, bad touch time. We cut to Hank Saunders and Sandy Ryerson. Hank is singing “Where is Love” from Oliver, and Sandy Ryerson is totally inappropriately touching Hank. I guess we know where the love is coming from. Meanwhile Rachel watches ominously from outside the door. Can I just say that this is incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable to me? This is the kind of school where this happens ALL THE TIME. Every single teacher here is a terrible person. Unless they’re Will, Emma, or (later) Bieste, and then they’re just mostly incompetent.

Yeah, okay, Will is also a terrible person. And to be fair: Sue can actually be the best teacher  at the school sometimes. She and Will are both terrible in their own ways, but they’re also both awesome in their own ways too. More on that as it comes up.

Anyways, we cut to the teacher’s lounge where Ken Tanaka is complaining about the lack of hot java. Sue comes in as HBIC and hands out lattes to everyone. Sue clearly has not started a vendetta against Will yet, but she and Emma are already shown as enemies. Interesting. Also we have yet another break from, you know, real life- Schools don’t hire nutritionists for their students. Especially those in an extracurricular.

Of note in this scene: Ken likes Emma, Emma likes Will, Will is oblivious to all of this, willfully or blissfully, it’s your call. At least, at this point it is. Later on he’s DEFINITELY being willfully ignorant, but right now it could go either way.

I will say that this is a wonderfully acted scene, and Jane Lynch and Jayma Mays are delightful.

Ken comments on missing Emma at the single’s mixer whilst grabbing his belt buckle, and we immediately know everything we need to about Ken: He’s crass, into Emma, and unsubtle. Check please. Emma tells everyone that Sandy Ryerson got fired, and Will wants to take over Glee club.

Principal Figgins is not impressed, and was probably going to cut the program, so Will bargains with him to keep the program alive. And we have yet another break with how real life works- Figgins and Will haggle and Figgins gets Will to pay for the club. That’s… wow.

This is an interesting exchange because Will thinks these kids have no joy and feel invisible. And if it’s not very, very obvious to you that Will is projecting, then I don’t know what to tell you. Don’t worry, though- This will be a recurring theme for Will. It’s like, his specialty. Projecting, either onto Sue, onto the students as a whole, or onto his glee kids specifically, will be Will’s modus operandi for pretty much the entire show.

Will decides that rather than tell his wife about this financial drain, he will hide it from her. Because that’s how loving, trusting relationships are built. And Will also decides that this is less of a big deal than motivating the kids signing up. And the name of the club is the most important part.

New Directions has GOT to be a getting crap past the radar, because I just cannot even. I have lost my ability to can.

And here’s where Glee told us exactly what it was going to do and a lot of people missed it.

EVERY character introduced here was introduced as a stereotype or cliché. And there is a reason that a lot of people missed- these are auditions. We’re seeing them for the first time how WILL is seeing them, and through that lens, the only way he knows his kids right now is through what is superficially obvious to him.

Our first audition is Ms. Mercedes Jones, and she sings Respect by Aretha Franklin. Specifically, the lyrics of the song are explicit- I’m giving you a lot, so you best respect it. However, Will sees her as a curvy young black girl, and that’s where her musical choices go. And that’s all Will sees. He sees her singing stereotypical music, but doesn’t really hear her, otherwise he wouldn’t be “trotting her out to wail on the last note” at the end of every number. He doesn’t even try to respect her.

Kurt Hummel sings Mr. Cellophane from Chicago, and, just, wow. This song is very, very Kurt. It’s about being looked over and passed over and ignored, which is a different, very different tack from Mercedes- but it’s ultimately about the same thing, attention. These kids are starved for it.

And, well, isn’t that what Mr. Schue said in Figgin’s office?

These kids feel invisible.

But what Mr. Schue sees here is a flamboyant boy singing “Look right through me”, and he, along with most of the viewing audience, just KNEW that Kurt was a gay boy who absolutely couldn’t pass.

This show is very good at making you think things.

I will say that Kurt’s sassy bang fixing whilst holding a high note was hilarious and adorable.

Our next introduction is to Tina and Artie, who sign up at the same time, but Tina’s audition is the only one we see. From a Doylist perspective, this is obvious- Artie’s taking lead in the choir room soon, and we don’t need to hear him sing twice. From a Watsonian perspective, however, we realize that the auditions are taking place in the auditorium, and Artie can’t get his chair up to the stage. He has to be carried in until they build the ramps. So right then and there Will gets his perspective of Artie- someone he has to work around. A roadblock. (This is absolutely, categorically untrue, as Artie is one of the strongest voices and best dancers of the pack, and yes, I do mean wheelchair dancing, because Artie is a boss at it, and I would rather watch Artie dance than anyone else in the cast except Mike and Brit Brit).

Let’s focus on Tina, however. She introduces herself with a stutter, but she also writes the stutter- interesting. Her song is “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry, which I have many misgivings about (it is pretty catchy, though), but the interesting thing is that this once again follows the theme of the two preceding songs- it’s all about titillating and stuff, sure, but it’s mostly about drawing attention. What Will takes away from that is her manner of dress and provacativeness- He sees her indicating her crotch, and her dark lady demon clothing, and that’s as far as he gets with her.

So as far as Will’s concerned, he’s gotten 4 kids to audition so far, and none of them fit what he wants for show choir, what he truly sees his choir as being- you know, exactly like him. But so far the kids have been too black, too gay, too disabled, and too inappropriate.

Rachel auditions with “On My Own” from the seminal Broadway classic, Les Mis, and Will is pleased to hear this. Because THIS is the show choir he was thinking of. This is also a song about loneliness, once again tying into our audition theme of attention.

Rachel gives us our first look into her head via gold stars and metaphors. And then she gets slushied by Puck.

We’re treated to another what I say/what I do disconnect when Rachel denies getting Sandy Ryerson fired (Protip- she totally did, and totally for incredibly selfish reasons.) Figgins for one is not taking any of her crap.

Rachel’s not homophobic, though, because she has two gay dads. (And for the record? She didn’t have to actually tell us that, because the audience knows she didn’t get Sandy fired because he was gay- she got him fired because he didn’t give her the lead, which isn’t homophobic at all, just petty and rude.) We’re then treated to Rachel as a little girl doing tap dancing. We cut to her on her laptop (Which is hideous), and she tells us how she’s busy training to be a star and how being anonymous is worse than being poor (Uh, wrong AND offensive).

Really, this whole sequence is meant to both endear us to Rachel and make us realize that she’s a little cray cray right now.

And here’s where we start to identify with Rachel, in a rather clever bit of storytelling- we see her uploaded video, and a bunch of cheerleaders (Two of whom we later learn are Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez) are posting some truly horrible comments on it.

And while that lovely image of “get sterilized” is floating about on Rachel’s computer screen, she’s singing about a world full of happiness that she has never known. This show, all my tears.

Will tells her she was very nice, and Rachel asks when rehearsals start, because she’s pretty full of herself (With a right to be, but still), and knows she got in.

We cut to Artie singing “Sit Down, You’re Rocking the Boat” from Guys and Dolls, and, I just, oh my god, this show.

First off, I’m not a huge disability politics expert, but I’m pretty sure this is like 10 kinds of offensive having Artie sing this song. And how Rachel points this out is also probably pretty offensive. But ON TOP OF THAT LAYER is the layer about how this song is about a boat going to heaven, and one guy (The singer), dragging them all down. And we gave this song as the introduction to our boy in a wheelchair.

Told you Will thought Artie was a loadstone.

My favorite part, however, is when Artie JUMPS TO WILL’S DEFENSE. He says he thinks that Mr. Schue is using irony to enhance the performance (Well, the show itself certainly is), and Will latches onto that lifeline and starts vigorously nodding. These kids are already excusing every nasty, disgusting thing that Will does.

Anyways, Rachel flounces.

We cut to the Cheerios, and Sue is verbally assaulting them (Especially Lance, the weak link), and Will has come to find Rachel. Who’s watching the award winning, champion Cheerios. Right before telling Will that being part of something special makes you special. And that being great at something will make her friends. And oh, honey, no. Being special is about being yourself, not part of some group dynamic machine thing. And being great at something? For you, at least, it seems to just make enemies. And honestly popularity isn’t worth that much either.

Will sucks up to Rachel a bit, and then says he’ll try coaching Artie as her fellow lead, but Rachel doesn’t think he can keep up vocally. I’m guessing vocally is a euphemism here, because Artie sounded pretty fantastic in there. She tells him she won’t keep wasting her time, and then Figgins needs to see Will.

Will has to make more bargains to Figgins, because he wants to shut down the program to free up the auditorium for AA meetings, since there are “lots of drunks in this town” (And boy, do we find that out alright). And then Figgins calls his club only 5 kids, one of whom is a cripple, and I just, wow. This show has absolutely no adult role models. I will say that Figgins is an expert negotiator, since he got Will to do more free stuff for him.

And now we get to meet Terri.  She’s showing Howard Bamboo how to fold a fitted sheet. Which he can’t do because he’s “dyslexic”. Riiiiiight. Will comes to bring her favorite sandwich to her to butter her up- she’s mostly mad that he put mayo on it, because what if her diabetes comes back?

EVERYONE in this show is unintelligent. It’s like a rule. And well, maybe that’s not entirely true. All the kids are smart (even Finn, Puck, and Brit Brit). All the adults aren’t. Except maybe Emma and Bieste, but even they have their moments.

L’anyhoodle, she belittles the everliving crap out of Will right here, and when Will tells her he has to work late, she complains about her 12 hour work weeks. She flounces to deal with a bedwetter, and after that lovely view into Will’s married life (It sucks, Terri’s selfish, Will’s dishonest, they’re trying to get preggo, etc.), we run into none other than Sandy Ryerson.

Will soooooo doesn’t want to have this conversation. But Sandy is adamant. He tells Will that Glee club is a swirling eddy of despair (you’re doing it wrong, Sandy), and that this almost cost him his long distance girlfriend in Cleveland (lolwut), and that it took him weeks to recover (we now have a timeframe for this episode- Sandy is dismissed, a couple days of no club, an audition period, and a few days of rehearsals, all within a couple weeks. Also, it sets this episode as happening no earlier than two weeks into the school year.)

Sandy tells Will that he’s a drug dealer of medical marijuana, and slips him a sample. (Another break from reality- Medical Marijuana isn’t legal in Ohio.) He also sells it to teachers and students. (YET ANOTHER BREAK FROM REALITY- if he were dismissed for touching a boy inappropriately, he wouldn’t be allowed on campus. However, we later find he wasn’t formally charged, so this one is okay, I guess.)

Will goes to talk to Sue, who valiantly keeps her crazy behind closed doors for all of an episode. The background music is a hummed version of Beethoven’s Fifth, and it’s pretty fantastic. I do miss this music.  She plasters on a fake smile and tells Will to come on in. Will, a master of not seeing things, doesn’t see how fake this is. Interestingly, we actually play this conversation in tandem with his conversation with Emma, for contrast. Emma’s freaking out over gum on her shoe. Will’s asking to talk to Sue’s Cheerios to mine her group for talent. Sue tells him not to rock the boat (See what I did there?), and that his kids are super unpopular. Emma says Sue’s not wrong, but he can blur the lines and get some popular kids into the group and then have the rest play follow the leader. So Will asks Ken if he can talk to his kids, who are hypermasculine jerkasses. Pass. Ken caves, but on the stipulation that Will put in the good word for him with Emma.

Which cuts right to Will being Emma’s knight in shining armor and sort of flirting with her. Nice one. Emma says it’s nice how hot and sexy Will is much Will cares about the kids. And are we watching the same conversation? Will’s spent the whole time trying to recruit new kids who are good, or who are popular, not recruiting kids who want to join, or like singing.

And then Sue tells Will not to pretend any of these kids are something that they’re not (Too late Sue, Will’s already decided that Artie’s the load and Kurt’s too gay to function and etc.).

We cut to Will talking to the guys, and Puck fakes us into believing that this plan will work before farting. We once again see Finn being conflicted over being a douche, but not doing anything to stop encouraging the behavior. Oh Finn. Will puts up a sign up sheet, and the only people to sign up are Gaylord Weiner and Butt Lunch (I guess Penis also signed up), and can I just say whoever wrote these has better penmanship than all of the Gleeks?

But that’s when Will hears Finn in the shower singing. He’s singing “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon. It’s a song about being unable to resist something (In this case, it’s going to be singing.). Will says he started this to see the gift in a kid that they didn’t even know they had, and the only kid that fits that description is Finn so far. He describes Finn as pure talent, and then does something absolutely, categorically wrong.

When people tell me that we’re supposed to identify for and root for Will, that he’s a good person who has been ruined by bad writing, it pisses me off. I find myself asking “Are you even watching the same show I am?” (Granted, this revelation started a good, 4 months ago? I was one of those people for a long time). Because Will has been being inappropriate since episode one. If you haven’t noticed it yet, this moment is a giant, flashing neon sign.

Will frames Finn for drug possession. He also says possession is 8/10 of the law and that Finn could lose his football scholarship (That he doesn’t have because he’s a sophomore). We get the lovely contrast of Will being as unhelpful to Finn as possible with a focus on something on Will’s bulletin board, which says “Priority #1- Help the Kids”.

Then Will says the only true thing he’s said this whole conversation- “I see a lot of myself in you Finn.” He then says he knows what it’s like to struggle to make good choices, and well, clearly. Will obviously lost the struggle here. And then he guilts the hell out of Finn, which is a dick move after framing the guy.

It really gets to Finn, and we start to get some characterization for him too. Finn is… simple. He’s very easy to understand, as is how he thinks. His dad died in Iraq (The first time we were fighting Bin Laden, lol), and he’s close to his Mom, though she’s had it tough time raising him as a single parent.

Darren of Emerald Dreams was the guy who taught Finn how to sing. Darren’s singing Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’, which is ironic because it isn’t long before Finn’s mom is alone thanks to him. So Finn will do anything to make his Mom not be disappointed in him.

Which is how Finn gets roped into Glee club. Blackmail. We’re doing a rendition of “You’re the One That I Want”, and Rachel is being particularly predatory. Some minor background things that get established here- Rachel is entirely inappropriate to her fellow glee club members, Kurt likes Finn as evidenced by his fleeting reaction shot here, Artie gets pushed around by his fellow glee clubbers outside of choreography without his consent (Incredibly offensive and rude), Tina doesn’t mind Rachel grabbing her boob, Kurt is touchy about his hair, Finn is terrified by these kids.

Mercedes busts out the diva to tell Mr. Schue that background singing isn’t her bag, baby, and Will tells her it’s just for one song (liar). Kurt says they sound kind of good (Continuing the pattern of the Glee kids jumping to Will’s defense), and they go to run the number again.

We cut to American Gothic in puzzle form, and really show? Subtlety is occasionally your thing, I suppose. But let’s break down this particular reference.

Mostly American Gothic is used as a sight gag, because it’s such a well known painting. This painting is by Grant Wood, and has a ton of misconceptions about it. First of them: THIS IS NOT A MARRIED COUPLE. It’s a father and daughter. So right there, we’re showing a perceived romantic couple playing parallel to Will and Terri in this scene. Way to further drive home the “No love in this marriage” plot point, show. On top of that, it’s supposed to dignify the Midwestern (We live in Ohio), and has a Puritan ethos imbedded in the presentation. So all in all, I would say that this exemplifies Will and Terri perfectly- Terri is mega against Glee club (The arts, singing and dancing, things that the Puritans had issues with), this is a loveless marriage, and it’s exemplary of all of the Midwest here- NO ONE likes the Glee club.

This universe is full of nuance, it’s frightening.

Anyways, Terri is condescending (And an idiot), Will is so so grateful because his wife is being such a good wife (Protip: Uh, no.). Then Will starts talking about the arts, and Terri comes jump his shit. And then Will calls HER shit, and totes goes into the Christmas closet. To reveal all the stuff Terri’s buying that she really, really, shouldn’t be.

They fight about finances, We introduce Will’s second act plotline of being an accountant and making more money. Terri makes the very valid point that it’s not a bad thing to want things, and in what universe is it that Terri makes good points? I mean granted, it’s tempered by the fact that you shouldn’t overextend yourself for those things, as Terri’s doing, and that undercuts the message a lot, but… isn’t Will’s major character arc in almost the entire series him learning to want things for himself? About him getting his own dreams, giving up on them, all of that? Starts here and now, with unreliable Terri giving him the first gentle shove.

Actually, the more I think about it- Terri really does enable Will to want things, which makes him all the more adamant to not want them. The car in 2.02, the sex in 2.07, everything. She’s honestly not that bad as a character when I think about it.

Terri continues to show the most understanding that any character has in this episode by outlining exactly how Will is projecting onto these kids. She tells Will to move on from high school, which Will clearly hasn’t done because, hello, he came back to it as a teacher.

We get an absolutely adorable moment of Ken watching Emma watching Will. She signs up to chaperone because she’s totes in love with Will.

Puck is throwing footballs at a teammate, which does not bode well for the rest of the student body, because that’s the closest Puck gets to his friends. Finn’s busy getting chewed out by Ken, about missing practice on Saturday for this fieldtrip to Carmel.

For like, the only time in the first few episodes, we see Puck not being a jerk, when he asks Finn what’s up. Finn lies that his mom is having surgery to remove an engorged prostate. And Puck, being an idiot, believes it. So Finn’s in the clear for now. However, now Will’s taking some heat from Ken. Ken’s pissed because “Will stole his quarterback”, but Will knows this is a crock of shit, because Ken hates football. And once again we have a teacher at this school who could give a rip about what they’re teaching, or their students. Ken isn’t arguing that Finn would do better to focus on football, or cares about him overextending, or anything. He cares about himself. And he’s mad at Will because Will is inadvertently cockblocking him.

Which is why we cut to Ken hitting on Emma. Poorly. Ken is way too interested in what HE wants, as is evidenced by asking Emma out to a Monster Truck rally, something even I could tell you Emma has little to no interest in going to see. Emma finally levels with Ken and tells him that she’s not interested, and Ken does. Not. Back. Off. And just when I thought I couldn’t like him less. Emma plays her ultimate trump card- she’s into someone else, who’s unavailable. And then she proceeds to basically admit that it’s Will without saying his name. Which leads to Ken LICKING HER DOOR HANDLE.

Can I just say, here and now, that this? Not cool. Emma has OCD. To intentionally punish someone through their mental illness? Quite possibly the dickest move of this episode.

Rather than admit he’s jealous of Will, Ken assures him that he’s right, Ken’s overreacting, and that the ‘herd’ will take care of it. The herd being the student body, of course. And I think that this sort of mentality, the “you can’t rise above and be different” mentality, is the real big bad of Glee. Ken snots something about Will not putting the good word in with Emma because he wants her for himself, which is an ironclad tipoff that Emma likes him, that Will proceeds to ignore like the Dickens because he’s good at selective memory.

And we cut to Carmel, where we do a parallel between Finn and Rachel, Will and Emma. Rachel calls Finn talented, and then LIES THAT THE GROUP EXPECTS THEM TO GET TOGETHER. Rachel. Honey. We all know that’s just YOUR wishful thinking. Finn for his part is incredibly uncomfortable fielding these advances, and plays the girlfriend card pretty much immediately, which really doesn’t help anything, because Rachel not only knows (And probably doesn’t like) her, and also knows she’s president of the Celibacy Club, which means she knows he’s not getting any action.

We get a brief smear to Quinn breaking off mid-makeout to start praying, and we get our first few characterization moments of Quinn after her myspace comments. It seems that Quinn is a devout(ish) Christian, and she has clear views of propriety- making out is okay, but no groping, and no sex, due to the Celibacy club. The music here is particularly good- We have generic techno for making out, as tv shows are wont to do, and at the end when Quinn cuts it short to pray, we get the only lyric of the song- “Oh no!” Ha.

L’anyhoodle, he and Quinn have been dating for four months now, meaning they got together at the end of freshmen year. Finn thinks with his stomach, Rachel is upset.

Will is much more receptive to Emma than Finn’s been to Rachel. She asks him to share a sandwich, and Will reminisces on his full of nuts glory days before dating Terri. Meanwhile, Emma is pumping him for information about his wife, and Will, you KNOW she likes you. So this is kind of awful. He tells Emma that he and Terri have been together for 5 years now, and that it was love at first sight. Emma takes the news rather stoically, but you just know that she’s crushed. Will continues that Terri used to be awesome, but aw shucks Emma, you don’t want to hear about all this.

Emma practically throws herself at the prospect of Will opening up to her. Will (As do I) finds her adorable. He tells her Terri rides him to be better, but he doesn’t know what she wants him to be better at. I would say being a human being, because come on.

We cut to them sitting at the auditorium, and Will is flat out disrespecting Vocal Adrenaline, and building up his kids’ hopes. Because that’s what you do as a responsible adult. And oh, Glee. What are you doing.

They sing Rehab by Amy Winehouse. And honestly, I can’t even begin. This is our introduction to Vocal Adrenaline, and from our peek into what they’re like for the rest of the series, it’s absolutely fitting. The song is about destructive habits and an unwillingness to change them. Say what you will about Vocal Adrenaline- their practice regimens are pretty much categorically bad for then, and destructive to all their other learning (Jesse in Prom Queen, anyone?). But they keep winning that way, so of course they won’t change them.

The best part is the way they make VA a foil for ND- ND does a song about not giving up (Don’t Stop Believing), VA does one specifically about giving up (Rehab), ND wears Red for their number, VA wears Blue,  VA is set up as winners and accomplished, ND are the underdogs. We’ve barely seen them for a minute, and they’re literally everything that New Directions isn’t.

Continuing the apropos music choices, the song playing as Finn is walking by, crushed by how good VA was, is Don’t Worry Be Happy. Which is about being happy despite a whole bunch of shit being thrown your way. Subtle, show. I can’t tell if this is McKinley or Carmel, because on the one hand, why would they have gone back to McKinley after that and this set doesn’t look familiar, but on the other, the marimba band comes back later at McKinley, and why would Puck plus jocks have driven up to Carmel to bitch out Finn? Regardless, Puck is wating when Finn rounds the corner, and he is not pleased. He tells Finn that he looked it up and that girls don’t have prostates (more’s the pity), and that Finn broke the rules. So they shoot Finn with paintballs. Uh, wow. Harsh.

Anyways, Paintball Guns on campus is totally against every school code of conduct in the country because they’re firearms, plain and simple. So we have yet another break from the real world. Or, you know, illegal behavior from the jocks. Which really tells you everything you need to know. This is illegal, dangerous (you wear protective clothes paintballing for a reason, those things bruise like a mofo), and degrading. All because Finn skipped out on Football for some other activity.

This school is a dystopia. It’s a crapsaccharine world, so to speak (thanks TvTropes!). It looks shiny and happy and musical, but even from episode one, everything about this place sucks.

So yeah, Finn is pelted with tiny paint bullets. And then Will goes home and Terri is telling him that she’s pregnant. I personally find it funny that he says “Wow honey, all this is amazing”, when “all this” is a banner and some champagne. Way to have low standards, Will. He then assumes it’s about the Glee club (Which Terri already  hates), way to have a one track mind Will. You’ll notice this a lot. A LOT. Now that Will has Glee, everything falls to the wayside. Teaching Spanish, Terri, Having a Social Life, EVERYTHING.

Terri drops the preggo bomb, and Will is so happy about having a family. And we have a genuine happy moment between Will and Terri.

Will is breaking up with his kids, and they are already so attached to him. Artie can’t believe Will’s leaving them, and Mercedes promises to work harder. Rachel tells him that his leaving isn’t fair to the club, and then FINN ASKS IF HE CAN QUIT TOO. As if we didn’t have enough Finn/Will parallelism going on. Will tells them it isn’t about them, and he’s right- from step one, this club has been about Will to Will. He goes further to condescend to the kids that sometimes you have to give up things that you love as an adult and make difficult choices, and I’m sorry, Will, but you wouldn’t know a difficult choice if it danced naked in your parlor. Literally every kid in here has struggled with bigger things than we know you have. Even Finn, who is basically a mini you, grew up in a single parent home, and implicitly we can tell he’s never really had a lot of money, just from set, wardrobe, and what few lines we got from his mom.

Will proceeds to tell them that he’s loved being their teacher (For all of a week) and then he just leaves.

The extended cut or whatever inserts a musical number for Will, and I could honestly care less, but for the sake of completeness, I will say its Leaving On A Jet Plane, and it’s all about the melancholy of leaving things you love. He’s lonely before even leaving, according to the lyrics. Entirely apropos and has an easy message.

Emma comes to talk to him about him leaving, and Will tries flirting with her (Dude, having a baby, inappropriate). Emma tells him to come get some guidance from her before he goes (And well, he’s not leaving for two weeks, plenty of time Em), and she leaves before he can say no.

We get a particularly mournful soundtrack shift to Moonlight Sonata, and Rachel being incredibly creepy. Girl, slow your roll and back off the taken boy. She tells Finn that she didn’t see him at practice (Where she’s taken over, of course), and really, there are so many Will/Finn parallels that I cannot even.

Quinn and Santana walk up, and Quinn calls Rachel a drag queen. Really Quinn? Not actually an insult. Girl you need to stop being an asshole. She asks Finn why he’s talking to Rachel, and Rachel covers for him (Clearly Quinn and Finn are in different science classes). Quinn then invites Finn to Christ Crusaders that night.

Finn tries to get out of Glee because of his rep, and Rachel tries to tell him that he worries too much about what other people think, and that he can rise above. Cue Finn’s gassy introspection look of introspection. We see him talking to Puck in the next scene, who’s ALSO giving Finn some crap. Finn tells him it was all for extra credit, and tells Puck to drop it because it’s over. So Puck decides to welcome him back to the “land of the normal” by giving him a gift: “Artie in a port-a-potty.

And this would be assault. Like, legit illegal activity, sure to cause harm. This show? Not remotely subtle about how crappy this world is. This show? Goes there with bullying pretty much immediately. This show? Is very very good at subtly making a point. Which begs the question of why each episode has an anvilicious (Thanks again TvTropes) theme to it. Which is a theory we’ll be getting to later.

So Artie’s in the port-a-potty, and Finn is actually a little freaked out by the idea, but Puck figures that since Artie’s already in a wheelchair, there’s no harm in flipping the port-a-potty. Which just again proves how much Puck doesn’t think about anything. Finn lets Artie out, much to the confusion of his teammates. Puck calls Artie a loser, and then Finn counters that with everyone in this town being a loser. He says he’s not afraid of being called a loser because that’s what he is. While this is a lovely moment of Finn standing up for himself, it’s also very premature. Finn will care about being called a loser for, like, ever. It’s one of his biggest character struggles.

He’s wheeling Artie away after his verbal smackdown (Complete with hilarious moment by Artie via the finger hiss thing he does), when he encounters a blast from his past: Darren from Emerald Dreams. Well, and Journey. Which gives Finn an idea. Dun Dun Dun.

We jump to the Glee rehearsals now. Rachel is trying to lead them (And spouting out absolute nonsense, I mean seriously. She won a dance contest at 3 months old? Really?), and Kurt is of course not putting up with her crap. He’s also not putting up with Finn’s crap, because he strolls in then and Kurt not so politely tells him to scram. But Finn doesn’t scram. Instead he starts apologizing.

Apologizing for what, you might ask? Well, if you must know… throwing eggs at people, throwing pee balloons at people, nailing lawn furniture to roofs, dumpster tossings, slushie-ings, port-a-potty rollings, locker slamming, and probably paint ball assaults too. This is… wow. It’s played for laughs here, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is a laundry list of terrible things.

This show was NEVER nice.

Finn says that that’s not him anymore. He doesn’t want to be that guy, he wants to be the Glee guy. With Rachel, Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina. Even though Show Choir is lame, he still loves it. He also says that they’re all here because they want to be good at something, which… idk if that’s accurate, but then again, I’m not sure if Will’s theory about being invisible is accurate either. I’m pretty sure this is another instance of white dude projecting, just to give more Finn/Will parallels.

Notably, when assigning tasks to all the Gleeks, Finn assigns tasks to everyone except Tina and Kurt.  And while he actually tries to assign one to Tina, he doesn’t even talk to Kurt. Interesting.

Emma is showing Will how happy he was at his Glee club’s big Nationals competition. They’re singing “That’s the Way (I Like It)” by KC and the Sunshine Band, and as a song playing when Will admits how much he likes singing, that’s pretty fantastically chosen. For once in the episode, I’m pretty sure this isn’t JUST someone manipulating someone else for their own means ( I mean, Emma still is clearly angling for Will to stay so she can be happy, but it’s not just that- Emma wants him to be happy).  Will says he knew who he was on that stage, but that he has to provide for his family. Emma tells him providing is more than financially, essentially, and with that Will’s walking down the hallway and hears the kids doing the most iconic song they’ve done on this show.

Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey is many things. It’s one of the top 100 songs downloaded on iTunes (Ever. And the original version, not even counting the Glee version), a song about not giving up (Specifically on love, or things that you love), and a song that’s in Finn’s wheelhouse and has emotional significance for him, so of course they used this song, because it’s a financial, meta, and in character great decision.

So they perform, and it’s fantastic, and we have our early season 1 antagonists of Sue and the Cheerios and Puck watching the performance ominously, and Will is brought back to something he loves by a song telling him not to give up on something that he loves, and comes in and starts telling them everything that they did wrong, and that he’s here to fix it for them.

End.

Before we leave, I’d like to make just two quick points, about Will and Finn.

Will – Will is without a doubt our current main character, and… well… he kind of sucks. Let’s go down the list of things he’s done in this episode alone

·         Blackmailed a student by planting drugs on him

·         Embarked on an emotional affair

·         Talked about how disappointing his wife is to said girl he’s embarking on this affair with

·         Screwed over his friend in the process of this

·         Hid expenses from his wife

·         Allowed his boss to extort from him

·         Been a terrible teacher

·         Had no confidence in his kids

·         Capitulated to Rachel’s hissy fit earlier

·         Condescended to the kids

Will is an idiot. Will is not a good person. And anyone who has watched this episode and DOESN’T REALIZE THIS is not watching the same show I’m watching.

This is not to say that Will doesn’t mean well- that’s the problem. He does. He honestly thinks the things he’s saying to the kids are helpful, that he’s doing them a favor by giving them a place to express themselves, that he’s a good person and a good teacher. And for the most part, I guess he is- it’s just that when it really matters, he isn’t.

Finn has some similar problems, but they’re distinct- The narrative goes out of its way to tell us exactly how Finn hasn’t been a good person, complete with a laundry list of things that he does wrong too:

·         Encouraging Puck to be a jerk

·         Throwing Eggs at people

·         Dumpster tossing

·         Pee balloons

·         General fuckery

But Finn at least seems to recognize that a lot of the things he’s doing wrong are wrong. And here in lies the big split- Why I think Finn is intended to be sympathetic and Will is intended to be tragic.

Will doesn’t notice.

Finn knows what he’s doing is wrong. But he chooses it anyways. He eventually learns to stop doing that sort of thing (as often), but he knows when he’s taking advantage typically, and he feels bad for it. Will never notices. Condescending to the kids? They just take it. Insensitive? The kids jump to his defense. Characters bend over backwards to justify Will’s actions in story, while we, the viewers, continue to see him commit atrocity after atrocity.

This isn’t to say that Will can’t do good. He can be a very good person sometimes. But he’s someone who means well, who genuinely wants to help, but ends up making things worse and somehow doesn’t notice.

Tune in next week when we tackle exactly what communication means to the Gleeverse!

 

Comments

[needs_more_green]

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